Reflections on a Crisp Sunday Morning

It's hard for me to believe I've not written anything truly personal in almost a year. No blog posts. Minimal journaling. Reduced voice on social media. Despite intense emotion, memory catapults crashing through my present mind, and searing opinions I've been more silent. Quiet. Sad.

2018 began with incredible promise: a new life - new city, new job, new friends, new closeness with family. HOPE & JOY. Almost immediately however that unprecedented joy was tempered with grief. Kristin and I moved to Pittsburgh to be closer to our families. A month after we relocated, our little dog Aspen died unexpectedly. Next Kristin's Gram - the person she was closest to aside from me - was hospitalized. Painful family drama ensued... Kristin decided we needed another Maltese so she found our Ollie (Oliver Fitzgerald) and his energy and happiness renewed our hearts. Within days however we discovered my sweet companion and protector, Austin, our lab mix had a brain tumor. He died followed by my parent's dog Yoda. Despite this also unexpected grief, we opted to go to Italy on vacation in June. We took my parents also as it was their 50th Anniversary... we arrived home and within days, Kristin's Gram passed away suddenly. By chance or grace, she was alone by her bedside that early Thursday morning. The following Monday, our lab Chloe passed away, adding insult to a depth of injury that felt as if we were being pushed underneath murky flood waters. No breath.

Chloe Aspen and Austin

Yoda

Death always causes a reaction, usually bringing out either the best or worst in people. Regardless, it demands reflection from those it impacts. Memories. Dreams. The disruptive change it explodes into your world consumes it.

And yet,

God in His infinite wisdom provided us with a way of escape. In our case it was a small 5 lb. white furball, healthy, playful, and loving along with a joyful new nephew named Jett whose dancing eyes and magnificent smile made your heart sing.

Ollie Fitz

All that within four months.

July - September felt like a blur. Going through the motions. Working. Solving. The grief fog permeating, suffocating in this new reality. Step by step, we kept moving along - forward, backward, sideways or still.

In late September I began a new journey with a group of local leaders in a community focused program called Leadership Pittsburgh where I was blessed by the opportunity to interact with more than 60 new colleagues all of whom were chosen to make a positive, community impact on our city. Incredible gift. At work, I was also blessed with unprecedented grace and favor where my ideas and experience are being welcomed to shape and support change and growth so much so I am being promoted into a newly created role written for me. Another incredible gift.

Now, here we are about to celebrate the holiday seasons of Thanksgiving and Christmas (for us). We have another new baby girl who joined our family yesterday - pure joy - while we also prepare for my Mother's knee surgery this week and other hurtful trials whose verdict will impact our family (YES, asking for prayers!).

With all this swirl of emotion, memory, and life I am reminded this morning yet again of the enormity of God's grace and love. The power of that love and the faith that propels action. 

It is so easy to view the world's chaos and deafening confusion as more powerful when the lies that it creates appear to win the day.

I watch and am often saddened by the hateful actions caused by weaponizing words designed to create fear, anger, and despair; the dehumanizing of individuals that are deemed 'different' and the voices that render that diversity with the verdict of "unacceptable." I see so many people of faith missing what Jesus said were the greatest commandments: (Matthew 22:37-40)

³⁷ Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and great commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

LOVE.

Love - not judge. Not divide, dehumanize, or destroy.   LOVE.  You shall love...

There is no fear in perfect love. Love is the single, most powerful force in the universe. Love overcomes. When love is lost, the pain of that grief is deafening because the love was so strong.

When you witness single acts of hate such as the mass shootings or hear our leaders disparaging remarks, it is again tempting to believe the lies that the negative forces of hate and the deception those things perpetuate... but then in the midst of evil's destruction GOD shows up in a flood of compassion and strength to resist that evil forcing it to flee. And it does flee... our battle is to recognize and resist what attempts to kill, steal, or destroy that LOVE and the actions such love demands: and I remember MERCY (link to teaching: The Way of Mercy).

As I share my reflections on this crisp Sunday morning, I want to encourage us all to KNOW that His love is the fulfillment of the law, the rules... transcendent in it's simplicity and call to action:

Love does conquer all.
Joy is our strength.
Life doesn't stop for our grief... but God does always provide a way of escape, helpers along the journey to sustain us.
THERE IS HOPE.

Today I choose to embrace that FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE.

Today I choose to learn something new about a neighbor, coworker, classmate, or simply someone new I encounter to better demonstrate LOVE and to live in JOY rather than fear or despair. I choose to embrace that power rather than perpetually living under the oppression of criticism, judgment, death or unworthiness spoken to diminish the light burning within.

Today I choose to LIVE in fullness and peace. Strength. Wisdom. Joy and abundant favor. Blessing. LOVE.

THINK. WRITE. BELIEVE. ACT.

Be who you are meant to be, not who others attempt to shape you into: Resist.

Plato's Chair

Plato was a Greek philosopher who lived somewhere between 428-348BC in Athens. He was taught by Socrates, another philosopher who established a tradition of skepticism founded on the principles of constant change. Nothing is permanent and in fact our senses, things we believe to be eternal can actually deceive us.

For Plato, despite this ever-changing world which would appear to be unreliable, he believed there was more to the story. He argued in fact that there was a "more real world" of Forms or Ideas that existed in their own realm and that what we perceive or conceive is only an abstract facsimile of the perfect example of the given thing, form or idea. So in effect, when we look at or touch a chair, we are only experiencing an imperfect representation of the perfect Form that exists in our minds.
Therefore, real knowledge is gained only by those who can comprehend and understand that there is a true reality that lives behind our everyday experiences in this world. Plato further explains this in his analogy of people who spend their whole lives living in a cave (Allegory of the Cave). All they ever see are the shadows on the walls created by their campfire. This is their perception of reality. In truth, there are real things that make the shadows in the cave but we all must step out into the sunlight to clearly SEE, otherwise we live our lives believing the shadows (perception) are what's real.

People in the cave only see the reflection of a chair on the cave wall, not the chair itself.

Plato's point? Only those with the ability to step into the sunlight should rule... the ideal ruler is a philosopher-king because s/he has the ability to discern the Forms and when such a person comes to power, the citizens of the state will have the opportunity to step out of the cave and see the light.

As 2017 comes to a close, I wonder:

• What reflections I am seeing on my cave wall? 
• Have I challenged myself to see past my perceptions - to strive to comprehend the real Forms behind what I think I see?

Despite being bombarded by the shadows - all the negativity we hear, see or read in our culture today - I pray for the wisdom and discipline to step back and to step out into the light.

There is so much we can learn from one another. We have so much work to do to fulfill our life's purpose. I believe God is calling us all to remember who we are and more importantly to remember who HE is as we begin each day.

Going forward, I challenge myself to be better, to do better. I challenge myself to LOVE more, to forgive freely, to be open to change and to resist the temptation to be afraid, to blame, or to rationalize, justify or explain. We are taught in Matthew 5:37 to let our "YES" be yes and our "NO" be no.

I am excited to walk the path God has for me knowing that He has plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11). I will go wherever You send me, Lord. Help me to see past my own reflections and walk into Your Light... to step forward boldly and with joy.

May we all take a moment today to breathe, smile, and look past our own limited cave walls!

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Shalom

I read this devotional today and it helped me. I pray for Shalom: "may our lives become all they should be so we may experience perfect peace."  

Shalom

We know that the world’s original harmony was wrecked by sin. Like a Molotov cocktail thrown into a backyard garden, sin exploded the world that God had made, fracturing and dividing it. Instead of wholeness, brokenness; instead of health, illness; instead of friendship with God, alienation; instead of peace, strife.

Because we live in this fallen world that is yet to be fully redeemed, we can only glimpse the fullness of God’s peace. Scripture tells us, however, about God’s original intentions for the world he made. Consider the Hebrew word shalom, which is often translated “peace” in English translations of the Bible. While such a translation is accurate, comparing the word peace to the word shalom is like comparing a twig to a log or a boy to a man. When we think of peace, we tend to think of an inner sense of calm or an absence of conflict.

Shalom, however, means these things and more. It means “wellness,” “completeness,” “perfection,” “safety,” “soundness,” “success,” “wholeness,” “health,” and good relationships between people and nations. When there is shalom, everything is as it should be, our lives are as God meant them to be, our world is in the order he intended. To experience such peace in its fullness is to experience healing, satisfaction, prosperity. To be at peace is to be happy, fulfilled. It is a sign of the blessed life of the new creation. Peace has a whiff of paradise about it. It offers us a taste of the world to come.

Sometimes we sense this kind of peace as we worship with others, or as we pray quietly, or when forgiveness is asked for and received. Bent things are straightened. Hurt things are healed.

The Bible locates shalom in only one place — in God himself. We find such peace by living in harmony with him. As we do, our divisions, both external and internal, start to heal. We become fulfilled, complete. The harmony we have with him in turn produces harmony with others and harmony within ourselves. This is peace beyond our circumstances or feelings. 

This is shalom—life as it should be.

THINK. WRITE. BELIEVE. ACT.

I'm reading the @YouVersion plan 'The Peace God Promises'. Check it out here: http://bible.com/r/Wy

Reflecting On the Past

Thank you Lord, I needed this direction today... You always know exactly what I need to hear and I am grateful, humbled, and blessed.

Thanks Riverbend Church Austin for your faithfulness.

REFLECTING ON PAST 

Sermon by Pastor Dave Haney

Pt 1) THINGS TO FORGET

Forget 'the good old days" & its insidious soft lens, which anchors us to the past.

1. Embellished accomplishments - always better in our memories than reality (threw TD pass but on bench).

2. Exaggerated expectations (root cause marriage - not what you expected, fantasy not reality, unrealistic expectations that you've attached to these to people) often cause separation -- prisoner of past, Spouse fell short of 'supposed to be' then one leaves for greener pastures bc they are unwilling to see you're best days are ahead of you together.

One thing @ life that will never change is that it will always change!

3. Endless grievances (real wounds), some scars remain, like divorce, abandonment, rejection etc are visible lessons; never get over it but now need to free ourselves. Others for example, kid borrowed $0.15 for lunch in 3rd grade. Get over it!! ;) that's not to say that there are Grievances that mean you're never good enough! You Exceed your quota but then your boss, your spouse, etc add more, keep raising bar so you're never good enough. They finally set a bar that you cannot attain no matter how hard you try... So now you Can't move forward bc you're stuck in this pain.  Result -- Attach ourselves to past bc think our best days are over... Future holds less bc you remember when bar was lower and you felt loved by that person, felt good enough... Let this go! Release yourself from those words, wounds...

Pt 2) THINGS WE SHOULD REMEMBER WELL

1. Fingerprints of God -- catastrophic moments that show you God's intervention again and again making you who you are. God moved according to a plan God had better for us, to use those painful circumstances to teach us and mold us. How God has seen us thru. He's done it before and will do it again! Be encouraged and press on. Trust He will see us thru again, better....when it seemed hopeless, God moved. He Knows and He is at work for us behind the scenes changing our circumstances in ways we cannot imagine (secret desires of our hearts we don't dare breathe or speak).

2. The Ones That Made Us Better -- people who make us stronger or better; circumstances they influence that make us better. Never forget the cost (on you or others) of what it took to get us where we are - never want to go thru the heartache and darkness again. But don't forget... Remember the Angels along the way. People who believe in us! Who encourage us...who loved us. Remember the people who loved us so well and were so good to us even when we didn't deserve it. Remember well those angels in disguise in our lives. They mattered...

3. The Difference You Make -- (legacy) -- our impact. A difference was made by you. Question: did your lesson, your choices damage another? If yes, repent and seek real forgiveness. If not rejoice in how God used you to make a difference in someone else's life.

There are things we must let go of to move on to our higher calling and there are things worth holding onto to build on. Time to build something new, release the old yes, but learn to remember well. 

Champion 2nd Chances and believe your best days are before you not behind you!! Allow for your 2nd chance with someone you dearly love or loved. Don't let your pride or anger keep you from your future.

Remember Well.

Remember with thankfulness and gratitude; remember well for the opportunities that lay ahead and leave a legacy of love...

Express the Truth - say I miss you. I love you.  He told jokes in midst of circumstances - Dr Gerald Mann: today he would still say: 

"You're Not Done Yet! PRESS ON!"

For more please go to www.riverbend.com 

            Think. Write. Believe. Act.

Learning through Pain

Being human is okay... No one is perfect. Keep trying. Keep believing. Keep trusting regardless of the circumstances.

I am learning.

Thanks @MaxLucado for the wisdom in your words!

"Joseph couldn’t make up his mind! He welcomed them, wept over them, ate with them, and then played a trick on them. He was at war with himself. These brothers had peeled the scab off his oldest and deepest wound. And he would be hanged before he’d let them do it again. On the other hand, these were his brothers, and he would be hanged before he lost them again.

Forgiveness vacillates like this. It has fits and starts, good days and bad. Anger intermingled with love. Irregular mercy. We make progress only to make a wrong turn. Step forward and fall back. But this is okay. When it comes to forgiveness, all of us are beginners. No one owns a secret formula. As long as you are trying to forgive, you are forgiving. It’s when you no longer try that bitterness sets in.

Stay the course. You’ll spend less time in the spite house and more in the grace house”

Excerpt From: Lucado, Max. “You'll Get Through This.” Thomas Nelson, 2013-06-01. iBooks. 

This material may be protected by copyright.

Check out this book on the iBooks Store: https://itun.es/us/VpgML.l

Day 3

Week 2

I believe and declare...

All of us suffer loss, endure injustices, face setbacks, even forks in the road designed to test our faith, challenge our beliefs, and try our patience and peace. Today again I am grateful for the lessons.

The Word tells us His ways are higher than our ways. I've never known this to be more true than this moment.

I have always believed in praying specifically so God could receive the glory for His work rather than victories being chalked up to chance. Part of me though was deceived into believing free will was greater than God's power and plan. That slight misunderstanding caused me such sorrow and suffering.

Today I rebuke those thoughts and words spoken...and ask forgiveness for my failings and shortsightedness. I was resisting being thrown into the furnace, praying fervently against it and wondering why my prayers seemed to be unanswered. Now I know God's plan was not to save me from the fire as I asked but to bring me through the fire with my bonds burned free... Bringing me through the wilderness, across the Red Sea into a NEW and better place.

Our God is the Alpha AND the Omega - He has already declared the day of my release - the end date for this weeping. It is coming. And when He brings me out, ALL will see His glory in the abundance of blessings and double portion of favor bestowed on me. He doesn't allow the pain, the test, the furnace without a plan for freedom on the other side twice as good as anything you had before.

As the tears flow, the Word says He gathers those to create pools of blessings.

Thank you Lord for the furnace. In it I am blessed to stand with You, see You and be closer to you... the flames cannot touch me. Those chains, the bonds tying my hands, blinding my vision, and burdening my soul are the only things melting away. 

I didn't understand it; now my heart sees it. I look forward with joy for the day of my release and restoration. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. Thank You Lord for teaching me to Count IT All JOY!

I believe and declare my day of release, healing, restoration and abundance is on the horizon. Not my will but Thine be done, always. Your timing, not mine.

I love You Lord Jesus.

Thank You for the leap, this test of faith and lesson in Trust. Keep me in perfect peace in the furnace in the meantime...while You make a way where there seems to be No way.

I believe. I trust You.

Amen.

Where to begin?

Today is a day unlike any I've known in some time. It's a day of loss (6/11/15). It's a day of learning to trust the path wherever it leads.

Despite my heart's pain, I still believe...

Despite my mind's battle, I still trust...

Despite my body's fatigue, I still move forward...

The God of all, the Alpha and the Omega still bends down to hear my cry and catch my tears. The hairs on my head are numbered as are my days on this earth. 

The Lord remains my shepherd...

...I shall not want.

Deliver me from me, Lord. Forgive my weaknesses and light momentary afflictions that cause me such angst.

Help me see with Your eyes.

Always.

Your grace is sufficient for me today...

Destiny

"For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed you will be strong in character and ready for anything." (James 1:3-4 NLT)

Choose this day whom you will serve.

Have a willing spirit, an open heart and watch what God will do.

No one else's choices can rob you of your destiny.

Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God...

I lived...

There's a reason music is the universal language.

How many times have you heard a particular song or lyric that moves you? makes you feel, truly feel the depth of an emotion? elicits a memory? causes you to daydream?

I've often thought music is one of the ways God speaks to us.  I know it's one of the mechanisms He uses to get my attention or to remind me or prod me.  These past several months I've experienced such a broad range of emotions and events I found that I needed time to absorb it all.

I've been marinating for months and slowly cooking for the past several weeks.

BING

Yes, my timer went off today.  Not that I'm a completed project by any means... No, but I did have an awakening earlier today.  I realized something about myself that was profoundly provocative and wholly unexpected.  Apparently, I am told, that happens when you allow yourself the time and space to do some emotional work.  Hmmm...

2014 was a year of significant change for many people.  I've heard countless stories of upheaval, loss, life-altering experiences, and movement in multiple ways.  This was true for me as well.  Surprisingly, despite being what I thought was a well-rounded, healthy human, in the midst of all this change, I fell into some familiar patterns that caused me to then make less than positive choices.  As a result, I've been working on myself in an effort to understand it all and work to continually become a better, wiser person.  I've been reading, writing, talking, hiking, changing my food habits, sleep habits, tv habits... overall habits, etc.

Despite a lot of new insights I still kept asking "but why?"  "Why?"

And try as I might, the lens was always just slightly out of focus, which I have to say is maddening for a Type A personality.  I couldn't quite see...

About a week ago, after receiving more sage advice about 'Letting Go' and relaxing in this wilderness I'd been in, I finally quit resisting and rebelling mentally.  No more mental tantrums or explanations, justifications, and whining.  I finally reached a point where I said "okay, enough.  I surrender."

From that point on, I felt the fatigue in my neck and shoulders start to give way and I really did begin to relax.  The fact that my physical body responded so quickly to my declaration made me laugh out loud at times.  I literally said, out loud to myself in the car "it cannot possibly be THAT simple."

But it was... and has been.

I allowed myself to go away to the mountains for the weekend to relax.  I began listening to music more and started to refocus on activities that made me happy.

And today, without any drama or significant effort on my part, I got one of my "Why-answers."  The answer and it's impact came to me... and I saw it so clearly for the first time that I felt the earth actually shifted.  I started shaking all over at the reality of it.

I was finally at a point where I could HEAR it.  It wasn't anything that someone could have told me.  It wouldn't be mind-blowing to anyone else but me... but it was something I needed to know and learn on my own.

There really is truth in hearing that still, small voice... to learning what it means to 'surrender.'

As I began to absorb this information shaping a new reality and awareness for me, I chose to start listening to music to resettle my mind and heart.  The song that came on was by *One Republic called "I lived."  It spoke to my soul,  made me smile fully and sing out with all my heart.

I realized that so far, I swear I've lived... just as the lyrics in the song suggest.

And that is a beautiful thing.

I hope you take time today to FEEL and to allow yourself to surrender into whatever you've been resisting or rejecting... and I hope you'll listen to some music that brings you as much joy and release as I felt earlier.

Music really is a universal language...and making the choice to surrender really does allow you to fully 'live.'

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

*Click on the Link above to view YouTube video of "I Lived" by One Republic.

Writing MY Vision

IThis week I launched my own business finally!  It's something I didn't realize I wanted so much until I started seriously looking into it.

Have you ever experienced those moments where you feel as though God has opened the universe just for you?  The 'flow' is easy and doors are opening... Yep! That's how my week has gone.  Everyone and everything I needed to be successful.

When times like this happen, SAVOR THEM & be grateful.  

Getting here has been a little like being a pinball, bouncing off walls (closed doors), flippers knocking me back into the game (like a headslap from a friend), and flashing lights and bells that both distract and guide...you get the idea.  Thing is, it's been quite a ride!  How cool is it that all those things came together to precisely put me on this path?  I'm just grateful I was slowed down enough to pay attention. (Yes thanks for the changes - all of them)!

How often are we SO busy that we careen through life without paying attention to the flashing lights and bells around us?  There really is something to hitting the pause button long enough to look up and look around.  If you don't do it on your own, I can assure you God will do it for you one way or another.

Rather than be afraid of change, whatever it is, choose to see the opportunities.  There's no telling where your road will take you if you're OPEN.  

Pause.

Look up.

Ask what's up (frequently).

Dare to be Open.

You'll be so glad you did!

Check out http://PerriSolutionsLLC.com 

THINK.   WRITE.   BELIEVE.   ACT.

Simplicity First

How many times have I said, "there really aren't enough hours in the day?" or "I just don't have time to...?"  Countless times.

The laughable thing is that no matter how much time I have, there never seems to be enough to do everything I want or need to do.  I find myself rushing about trying to take care of all the little things first as if completing those somehow makes my list shorter.  The truth is that no matter how many little things I get done, there's always, always more to do.  You'd think after 45 years on this earth I'd have learned this by now, right?

Nope.

I still catch myself caught in the trap of the miscellaneous TO DO's which distracts me from the simple things of life necessary for my health and well-being.  What are those simple things, you ask?

• Meditate / Pray for 10-15 minutes each morning
• Drink 8-10 glasses of water daily
• Exercise at least 30 minutes a day
• Go to bed and rest at least 8 hours a night
• Eat vegetables
• Eat 5 times a day to maintain my metabolism
• Stretch throughout the day
• Hug someone I love at least once a day
• Work doing something I love 4-5 days a week
• Play with my dogs daily
• Take long, deep breaths at least 4 times a day (about 60 seconds each)
• Smile often

These things are so simple.  So easy... and yet, so hard to do consistently.  I've no idea why I let other things distract me from these basics but I'm happy that I can get up each day and try again.

If I can discipline myself to remember:  SIMPLICITY FIRST and then prioritize everything else then I'm certain I'll be living my best life.  Healthy.  Happy.

Time for lunch - some veggies, another glass of water and a stretch!  ;)
Exhale.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

I Believe

Conventional wisdom would say "there's no way" whenever the circumstances appear bleak.  Glass half empty mindset.

I've been Writing my Vision for most of my life.  That involves taking our Lord at His Word by following His principles and trusting that God is bigger than anything I may ever face.  Even when it hurts... I trust Him.  I BELIEVE He can turn ANY circumstance around for my benefit & create something far, far better than I could have ever imagined.

I have witnessed this time and time again...and I have years of prayer journals with Answered Prayers checked off as a reminder that He is faithful.  I write these requests in detail so when they happen there's absolutely no doubt who made them so.  He is, after all a jealous God who wants credit for His work.  It's not random chance nor luck but His moving on my behalf.  

This reality increases my faith with every checked answer.  This also helps me trust when I don't know what I want...

Today I find myself still wondering what I'll do next?  I've followed my own advice and focused on deciphering what I DO want vs what I don't; and yet I still can't SEE what that means exactly or how it will translate into my next job.  What I do know is that I must continue to do my part and patiently trust that God is in control and working all things together for my good.  So I am activating my faith again:

"Lord, continue to prepare me and all things for my future.  Open the doors You would have me walk through and make it clear to me so I may go only where You would have me go.  I trust You have already created my place and prepared every detail on my behalf including where (commute), what responsibilities You want me to have, my team's attitude and my boss's style, my travel schedule and daily activities, my salary, and every other minute detail that I've not yet considered.  I thank you for this and that Your timing is perfect.  Show me what I need to do today for You. I love you... Thank you.  In Jesus' Name, I pray.  Amen."

Exhale.  

He's got it so I can release it knowing His grace is sufficient for me today.  He knows the desires of my heart.  It's that simple.  Now I wait expectantly on Him, watching for my open door.  ;)

What are you waiting for today?  

I've no doubt that God has your answer.  Activate your faith!  And then SEE what He does... I promise it may not be what you expect but it will be above all you could ask or think.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Letting Go vs. Saying Goodbye

There is something fundamentally shattering that happens to a person's soul and psyche when tragedy strikes; and yes, we all define tragedy differently.  Universally the underlying feelings are grief, sadness, anger.

This week my 49 year old Aunt Dianne passed away.  She was my mother's baby sister and one of the lights in our family.  The cadence of her voice, her spot-on wit and humor, and her infectious smile made all those near her grin because you couldn't help but to chuckle.  For me, I'll miss her random calls that went something like this:

"Hey Angela... it's your Aunt Dee.  What up kid?  I was just thinking about you and how beautiful you are... how special you are.  I really admire you niece.  Gimme a call sometime or come see me.  Love ya kid."

 Now, there are very few people in my life who can get away with calling me "kid" without a retort of some kind from me.  But she was the exception.  And true to form, she was the exception to most rules in life.  She absolutely positively did whatever she wanted, however she wanted and to hell with anyone or anything that disagreed with her.  She was in charge of her life.  Chips fall where they may...  I guess that's why we all somehow believed she'd beat cancer.  Despite being in the hospital and on more drugs than the hospital had EVER given to any patient in her condition (without them being comatose), she danced to the "HAPPY" song by Pharrell Williams in her bed and put on makeup the night before she passed.  She was still directing us all.  The hospital staff all told us that there was no way she'd survive but silently we ALL believed she could do it.  Even her nurses thought "maybe???"

It wasn't meant to be.

Her funeral is tomorrow and all week long as we've looked through old photo albums, cracking up laughing one minute only to sob out loud the next, we're reminded of the fragility of life... and to see how unfair it can be at times.  Life can be hard.  But to quote a line from one of my favorite movies, "the HARD is what makes it Great."

It is really true that the depth of love you have for someone will always equal your depth of grief upon losing them... and that too is what makes life worth living.  As much as we've all cried this week, the truth is that she's worth every tear.  She LIVED.  She LOVED.  And for a while, she was OURS... and now she's left us with a legacy of one-liners and half smiles, beautiful children and some of the best, most fun memories / experiences of my life.  For that and so much more, I am incredibly grateful to have had her as my family because she was honestly ONE OF A KIND.

And with that I realize today that there is a difference between "Letting Go and Saying Goodbye."  The world would have us believe it's one and the same but I'm here to tell you that this is in no way the case.  Aunt Dianne has left us for a far, far better place but we'll meet again I'm certain.  There's a freedom in release.  Something beautiful.  Something miraculous in letting go of a gift so precious to you that can bring simultaneous joy and sadness...

Goodbye is final.

Thankfully there are No More Goodbyes in heaven.  No More Goodbyes when LOVE is involved.  There is only the ache of loss that lingers; and that is all too human.

Aunt Dee, we are all struggling to Let you Go but none of us are saying goodbye.  Thank you again for showing us the way:  Dignity and Strength despite incredible pain and suffering.  Smiles and even a "happy dance" before leaving this party early making us all want more.

You are beloved.

A Phenomenal Woman

When I heard today that Dr. Angelou died, I got tears in my eyes.  I never met her although I hoped someday she would be a person I could meet.  I first learned of her when a friend gave me a copy of her "Phenomenal Woman" poem as a birthday gift.

Words can change lives.
Her words did.

Thank you, Dr. Maya Angelou for teaching us all.

Link to YouTube:  Oprah's Master Class - Dr. Angelou

Phenomenal Woman

BY MAYA ANGELOU

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,   

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.   

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.   

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,   

And the flash of my teeth,   

The swing in my waist,   

And the joy in my feet.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,   

They say they still can’t see.   

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,   

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.   

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.   

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,   

The bend of my hair,   

the palm of my hand,   

The need for my care.   

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

It Ain't Yours To Throw Away...

Each and every one of us has been given a gift, a talent or a skill.   We all have a part to play in the Master Plan.  We all have something special that the negative forces of this world tries to destroy in one way or another.  We all face battles.  We all face trials.

We win some.  We lose some.
We live.
We learn.
We endure.

Sometimes it feels overwhelming... we long for sleep or rest.  It seems easier to give up or give in than to continue to fight.

When you feel like that.  Remember you have a choice...

and I hope you'll listen to this song: 

(Sung by Sam Palladio & Clare Bowen, Nashville Season 2 Finale #222)

youtube link to video

IT AIN'T YOURS TO THROW AWAY:

That same road that brought you here

Will sure as hell take you home

The life you left behind will have you back

You're tired of paying dues in worn out shoes

and Broadway blues

And any fool will tell you

the damn ol' deck is stacked

What if you're just a vessel

And God gave you something special

It ain't yours to throw away

It ain't yours to throw away

Every time you open up your mouth

Diamonds come rolling out

It ain't yours to throw away

No ...

And all of the players, the movers, and shakers

The star maker suits have gone home

You drew the last slot

You thought it was your shot

But now it's just one more chance blown

What if you're just a vessel

And God gave you something special

It ain't yours to throw away

It ain't yours to throw away

Every time you open up your mouth

Diamonds come rolling out

It ain't yours to throw away

No ...

And our town is cold as January

Life comes true, and dreams get buried

Every day ...

Destiny won't be denied

It ain't yours to throw away

No, it ain't yours to throw away

'Cause every time you open up your mouth

Diamonds come rolling out

It ain't yours to throw away

It ain't yours to throw away ...

Throw away

We are all meant to DO something special with the gifts we are given.  We each have a destiny.
Fight the good fight.  Resist the urge to give up or run away... because it ain't yours to throw away.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Wisdom 101

Ever have one of those days where, as  you reflect, you smile at your current circumstance? or chuckle at the most recent turn of events?  Have  you learned something new about yourself lately?

I have.

Our lives really are amazing.  Even when something bad happens, something good can come from it if we are open to the possibility of seeing through a different lens.  Anyone remember post-Polaroid, cameras with actual FILM?  Pre-digital when you had no idea if you took a good shot until you developed the roll...  Remember those really fancy cameras with multiple lenses (still present today only digital)?  You could change lenses and see from an entirely NEW perspective.  Change a filter and further adjust what you saw... and in that moment alone, you could SEE.  You didn't get any other instant gratification of a saved image until the roll was developed so you had to rely on that moment's perspective and memory.  Then be struck again by the beauty of the photo if it was properly shot and developed.  In those days, when you received your photos, you could relive the memory of that moment.  Today, you still can but it's immediate.  NO waiting involved.

Lenses.
Filters.
New perspectives.

Your perspective really IS your reality.  Thing is, if you close one eye or tilt your head even slightly, that perspective changes dramatically.

What I have learned today and continue to learn is to expect new perspectives and to embrace them all, enjoying the journey of new experiences or information as I discover these variations that come if you look for them.

Life can present some wonderful lessons through varying perspectives IF you slow down long enough to SEE them.  Ponder them.  Absorb them.

PERSPECTIVES...

Look around your life today.

Choose to SEE with a different lens... and I'll bet you'll see something new that you've never really noticed before.  Something wonderful.  Understanding that your singular perspective may not always be accurate is, I believe the first step to real WISDOM.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Recalibration: I want a GREAT life!

I have had an incredible amount of change in the past few months.  This is definitely the year of the horse... my year of Jubilee! and simply my recalibration year.

Recalibration.
I like that word.

I had known for a while that my life was getting away from me.  Somewhere amidst the weekly travel to parts unknown on a mission to regurgitate to all who would listen how great my employer was, I lost "me."  I got so busy putting the 'health of my organization' before my own seeking approval from potential clients that I couldn't see my own jeopardy.  I kept reassigning an 'end date' in my mind, invoking my favorite catch-phrase of "AS SOON AS..." to keep me going.  Constantly pushing, influencing, teaching, catching, organizing, talking, testing:  Plane to rental car to hotel to meeting to car to hotel to airport.  Rinse, repeat.

I was so zoned into my pattern that even when I was walking to get a sandwich before a flight and was hit by car (teenager texting and driving in a parking lot)... I didn't stop.  I kept going.  I slowed down for a day or two, but didn't stop.  I couldn't see the warning signs of system shut-down that were inevitably coming.

But God, with His infinite wisdom and humor, was determined to not only get my attention but to point me in a new direction.  Time to recalibrate.


Funny thing about God is that, He will knock.  He will absolutely speak in that still small voice.  However for those of us with thick heads and impaired vision, He may just invoke the use of a rather large wall to block your path on all sides and down... to force you to look up.  Blink.  And see the light...

huh?

Then His voice goes something like this:  "Child, I want you to devote that talent and endless energy for MY purposes.  So, I've stopped you.  Picked you up and pointed you in the direction of the path I have for you.  It's your choice, however, to WALK down it or not."

My Response:  "Ohhhhhh, hi Lord.  Wait.  What?!?  What new path?  I was on the wrong path?  Uh, ok.  Well, what do You want me to do then?"

His Response:  "Rest now."

My Response:  "Rest?  I don't have time to do that..."  LOL - tip:  Don't ever tell the Almighty that you don't have time for something because He will open up Heaven and clear a path for you to have exactly that.

He gave me time to rest.  Time to recalibrate.  Time to listen.

It's definitely NOT how I would've done it but His way was certainly quicker and He took what was a bad situation and turned it around for His and my greater good.  Taaaaa Daaaaa!  Next, He sold my house in less than 48 hours and moved my brother's heart to invite me in to stay for a while.  My job and I have divorced one another... and now I've spent the last month or so going to doctor, dentist, and other wellness appointments to gain my health back.

He's preparing me for something GREAT!   I can feel it...

Interestingly enough though, I have no idea what IT is.  I have an inkling on the tip of my brain but it's not yet in focus.  At this point, I've learned enough to know that He will show me when He's good and ready to show me... so no point squinting to try to see it.  I'm better off just working through NOW and waiting on Him.  (Lesson Learned).

Right now, He's parted my Red Sea and I'm walking.  I'm outside of Egypt, not yet to the Promised Land.  I can look all around me and see the wonders of the sea life surrounding me, awestruck by the incredible journey I'm on and awesome Power of God.

Through all this, I've been reminded of my past and my present as I look toward my future.  In that, I reaffirmed that I WANT A GREAT LIFE!  Not just a mediocre one in ANY area of my life.  I want GREAT Health.  I want a GREAT Marriage.  I want a GREAT career that is mission-driven by Him.  I want a GREAT Home... and GREAT relationships with those I love.

I want it ALL.  And that means shedding anyone or anything that does not value me for me... because we all know that to grab onto a new life, you have to release the old one!

Today, I am richly blessed and so humbled to see God moving in my life in such a profound way.  He really is AWESOME!  His grace is definitely sufficient for me.

Whatever you are facing, ask yourself:  Is this wall I'm trying to scale or knock down really an obstacle to be overcome?  OR was it deliberately put there to force you to LOOK UP?  A tool to make you stop so you can recalibrate. 

You tell me.    ;)

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Traditions Matter… pass them on!

This time of year many of us are nostalgic for family, traditions and that lovely Christmas feeling that would typically bring out the best in people - the spirit of the season:  Love, Charity, Humility…

I always loved being home (Clarksburg, WV) for Christmas because for as long as I can remember, it always snowed that magical Christmas snow on Christmas Eve and the sky would be that incredible midnight blue highlighted by white, clear stars.  Visiting longtime family friends and then walking to midnight Mass was the late evening plan that allowed us to savor all that was good and smell that clean air.  Beautiful.  Magical.  Holy.

The family would spend the day on Christmas Eve preparing foods (seven fishes - thanks Uncle Denny) as well as pastas, ham, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans… you name it and it was on the table.  We would eat around 4pm and then open gifts from each other before heading out to visit friends.

Lovely memories.
Treasured traditions.

It was so fun to open the presents to see what my grandparents had gotten us because they started shopping the day after Christmas the year before and long since forgotten what was wrapped and put away.

Cookie and pie baking.
Taking food to the elderly or less fortunate.

All activity designed to remind us of what truly mattered - family, health, loving one another, blessings, faith and more.

If you watch TV or listen to how many talk about the season, you hear a lot of negativity:  Commercialism, Greed, Spoiled children who have no understanding of the real meaning of the season, traffic jams, rude drivers/shoppers… the list goes on.  And yes, there is some of that.  We've all experienced it or maybe even suffered moments of it ourselves but I don't believe that is the majority of the time.  I think those bad behaviors are the exception not the rule.

I see so much love everywhere I look - when I look.

It's that love that recalls the tradition and stirs the emotion of childhood.  I find now that it's my generation who is reviving the old school traditions… It is after all, up to us to teach and reminisce with the children in our lives so they can experience what we did.  How can they treasure those small things that mean so much to us if we've not taken the time to be with them as our parents and grandparents did with us:  their family stories, their little idiosyncrasies that you now appreciate as Truth… the right way to do anything, etc.  How can we all pass on those moments - creating new ones - while preserving former ones and thus maintaining the tradition, the love, the faith?

Christmas traditions matter.
All traditions matter really.

They have meaning to us.  So as we take down the trees and put away the ornaments, spend the same amount of time carefully wrapping things up as you did putting everything up with your kids.  Do it all together.  Christmas tradition becomes more meaningful when all throughout the year we take time to make moments matter.

As we prepare for yet another NEW YEAR with all the would-be resolutions pending with promise of change… add in one Christmas-like tradition that you can carry forward through the year that demonstrates the depth of love you feel at this time of year.  Pick one thing to teach a child in your life - by example not just by telling.  ;)  Children reflect back what we value.  So let's choose wisely.

Thanks for listening - the children in our lives are (to every word and action).  I hope to hear back from all of you what your beloved tradition is… and what you may carry forward!

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.