I lived...

There's a reason music is the universal language.

How many times have you heard a particular song or lyric that moves you? makes you feel, truly feel the depth of an emotion? elicits a memory? causes you to daydream?

I've often thought music is one of the ways God speaks to us.  I know it's one of the mechanisms He uses to get my attention or to remind me or prod me.  These past several months I've experienced such a broad range of emotions and events I found that I needed time to absorb it all.

I've been marinating for months and slowly cooking for the past several weeks.

BING

Yes, my timer went off today.  Not that I'm a completed project by any means... No, but I did have an awakening earlier today.  I realized something about myself that was profoundly provocative and wholly unexpected.  Apparently, I am told, that happens when you allow yourself the time and space to do some emotional work.  Hmmm...

2014 was a year of significant change for many people.  I've heard countless stories of upheaval, loss, life-altering experiences, and movement in multiple ways.  This was true for me as well.  Surprisingly, despite being what I thought was a well-rounded, healthy human, in the midst of all this change, I fell into some familiar patterns that caused me to then make less than positive choices.  As a result, I've been working on myself in an effort to understand it all and work to continually become a better, wiser person.  I've been reading, writing, talking, hiking, changing my food habits, sleep habits, tv habits... overall habits, etc.

Despite a lot of new insights I still kept asking "but why?"  "Why?"

And try as I might, the lens was always just slightly out of focus, which I have to say is maddening for a Type A personality.  I couldn't quite see...

About a week ago, after receiving more sage advice about 'Letting Go' and relaxing in this wilderness I'd been in, I finally quit resisting and rebelling mentally.  No more mental tantrums or explanations, justifications, and whining.  I finally reached a point where I said "okay, enough.  I surrender."

From that point on, I felt the fatigue in my neck and shoulders start to give way and I really did begin to relax.  The fact that my physical body responded so quickly to my declaration made me laugh out loud at times.  I literally said, out loud to myself in the car "it cannot possibly be THAT simple."

But it was... and has been.

I allowed myself to go away to the mountains for the weekend to relax.  I began listening to music more and started to refocus on activities that made me happy.

And today, without any drama or significant effort on my part, I got one of my "Why-answers."  The answer and it's impact came to me... and I saw it so clearly for the first time that I felt the earth actually shifted.  I started shaking all over at the reality of it.

I was finally at a point where I could HEAR it.  It wasn't anything that someone could have told me.  It wouldn't be mind-blowing to anyone else but me... but it was something I needed to know and learn on my own.

There really is truth in hearing that still, small voice... to learning what it means to 'surrender.'

As I began to absorb this information shaping a new reality and awareness for me, I chose to start listening to music to resettle my mind and heart.  The song that came on was by *One Republic called "I lived."  It spoke to my soul,  made me smile fully and sing out with all my heart.

I realized that so far, I swear I've lived... just as the lyrics in the song suggest.

And that is a beautiful thing.

I hope you take time today to FEEL and to allow yourself to surrender into whatever you've been resisting or rejecting... and I hope you'll listen to some music that brings you as much joy and release as I felt earlier.

Music really is a universal language...and making the choice to surrender really does allow you to fully 'live.'

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

*Click on the Link above to view YouTube video of "I Lived" by One Republic.