The Simpler Things

Last weekend I flew to my hometown, Clarksburg WV to visit my family and spend time with my grandfather.  The family decided to throw Pap a surprise birthday party in our church gym for his 90th birthday.  Incredibly, close to 150 family members and close friends came to celebrate him!

Pap with his kids

He walked in thinking he was attending a political fundraiser only to be met by The Godfather theme song and a cheer of "SURPRISE!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"  He quickly recovered and proceeded to delight everyone with his usual humor.  My dad toasted him, our priest blessed him, children flocked to him, and everyone kissed and hugged him.  My uncle made the BEST homemade peppers and sausage in true Italian style.  My aunt and cousins who coordinated things kept things moving along... and my youngest cousin was delighted to finally get her wedding dance with Pap who was too sick to dance at her wedding this summer.

It was a beautiful celebration of life and love.

Pap with his sisters

Now I don't know about you, but I don't know of too many 90 year olds whose birthday would bring so many people together just for the chance to celebrate HIM.  He never ran for office.  He held simple jobs as a grocery clerk and car salesman for a time.  He's a devout Catholic and equally devout Democrat but was a private person overall.  He had a small garden.  So what was it about this now frail old man that would engender so much love and respect?

His heart.

Pap has ALWAYS loved loved loved children... and they've always flocked to him.  Pap adored his wife and still loves her fully though she left us five years ago.  And Pap loves to LAUGH and make everyone around him laugh!  He jokes and tells stories that make you laugh till your sides hurt.  Despite his Italian temper and stubborn streak, he can just as quickly shift into a joke with an infectious grin.

When my grandmother was sick, Pap would take a fresh loaf of Italian bread from our local bakery and a jar of his canned peppers to every doctor, nurse, aid worker in thanks for their taking such care of his beloved.  Anyone who has ever shown him a kindness - from bank tellers to handymen, from sick friends to teachers/coaches of his grandkids - got a jar of those peppers and some bread.  It wasn't payment, it was a gesture of love... followed by some sort of joke and a laugh.  He loved and appreciated people.  It was that simple.  His only request from everyone was that they return his jars to him.

He and my grandmother lived in the house he and his friends built.  She told him what she wanted and he figured out how to build it for her using nothing but the best materials.  It wasn't built quickly.  It took him months and months to gather the money and resources but it was built perfectly.  Every decision from the type of lumber to the small enclave for the Blessed Virgin's statue, the use of plaster for the walls and lights in finished closets were all detailed loving touches designed for her.  He and she LOVED their home.  It wasn't thousands of square feet but was just what they needed.  Nothing more.

Our family loved their home too.  It was a place of love, laughter, and great food!  Amazing memories.

I adore my grandparents.  There is nothing I wouldn't do for them.  It's an overflowing cup... so as I think on my own life, I am reminded of what truly matters:

It really IS the SIMPLER THINGS in life that make it sweet, joyful, fulfilling.  

My grandparents knew how to LOVE.  They spent their time not working incessantly, nor acquiring more things but rather just living and doing what they enjoyed!

My grandmother actually loved to cook and bake.  She smiled as she cleaned every inch of her home each spring and fall because it was HERS.  She lovingly washed clothes and hung them out on the clothes line to catch the breeze and then ironed anything that needed it because to her, each thing she did was an expression of love not a chore.

Together, despite loss and hardships at times, she and Pap found ways to still laugh at and with each other most every day.  They went to church every Saturday night and had Sunday spaghetti dinner ready for the family every weekend.  We didn't watch much TV with them.  We sat and talked either in the kitchen or on the porch.

Simple.

The older I get, the more I realize how RIGHT and PERFECT they were... and I'm taking a lesson from them.  It's the people - family and friends - in our lives that matter.  It's the memories we create with them, whether it's learning to play golf at age six with Pap or making bread and fritis with Gram in the basement or any number of a thousand other things that matter.  WHY?  Because it's the quality TIME we spend together, share together that means everything.

It's so easy to get distracted by the "To Do's" and the desire to acquire.  But just for today, right now, take a few moments to breathe in your life - smell your child's hair, make cookies with your spouse, or call your parents just to tell them 'hi' and see how their day went?  Make plans to meet your best friend for lunch at his/her home or invite them to yours.

DECIDE to prioritize the SIMPLER Things in your life... I bet your stress goes down, you sleep better, and you'll smile more.

THINK/FEEL.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Wake Up Call

I welcomed 2013 with high expectations and a horrible cold and allergies that's lasted more than a month.  There's nothing quite like a dose of the slow dripping allergic equivalent of Chinese water torture followed by a single 9 hour night's sleep (finally) to bring life's reality into harsh perspective.

It's amazing the level of clarity you can get after having been sleep deprived for so long and then suddenly, blissfully the herbs and remedies kick in allowing sleep and recovery.

Today is that day.

I've awakened to a new reality and an awareness of how much I've drifted from my 'self.'  Despite having suffered some significant illnesses, loss of loved ones, and other heartbreak over the course of my life, I had always managed to bounce back and reclaim my heart which has been my guide.  But surprisingly the last almost two years has challenged me on many levels.

In my quest to get varying aspects of my personal and professional life on track with my Vision for them, I realize I willingly sacrificed my health and a part of my heart's healing.  I pushed my body well past its limits and forsaken much needed personal time for emotional healing all together.  I lost my self in my work mission.

So what's wrong with that?  Well, it's fine provided that it's an active verses a passive choice.

The truth is that while I recognized some aspects of this, I didn't fully comprehend that my actions were in fact CHOICES.

• I allowed my work travel schedule to require weekly trips to multiple locations.
• I allowed that same schedule to be so packed there was no room for things like meals or bathroom breaks.
• I allowed other's needs to supersede my own... AND
• I allowed my own voice to be silenced in nearly all my relationships -- self sacrificing ME in an effort to absorb others pain simply because I had the capacity and depth of love to do so.

All of which was unnecessary and a subtle yet damaging EGO trap.

Today, I've realized with absolute clarity the cost of those choices.  My wake-up call has been failing health.

What will it take for you?  What's your wake up call?

How many times in your day or week do you think you need to 'compromise?'
What are the words you repeat and allow that take you down a negative path?

Why is it that we teach ourselves to believe that we need to 'sacrifice?'

What is sacrifice?
Sacrifice has a negative connotation that often invokes a feeling of loss.  So are we truly called to 'sacrifice?'  I actually don't think so...

I believe we all need a mental reframing.
Is it really a sacrifice to exercise? to eat healthy, organic foods? to make time for our families or friends? to choose fruit vs. cheesecake?  :)  Are we really giving up anything??

We all make choices all day, every day.  What would happen if we saw our choices as gaining something verses losing something else?  What IF we choose to prioritize loving activities over "have to's"?

Is there a way to balance things that need to get done with things that make life joyful?

Yea, I think so... it's simply going to require a mental workout daily to ensure I'm choosing based on the guidance of my heart verses the chatter of my mind.

It's time to be AWARE.

(Note: I recommend watching this video on 'Introduction to Awareness' for a more in depth understanding of real awareness.  Thank you Mary!)

Time to recognize the chatter, those ego driven voices of "Should" and "Have to" and to see them again for what they are. I'm choosing today to get out of my mind and into my heart.  Where is my heart leading me today?

Hmm - off this computer and outside!!  =>

:) hope you'll ask yourself the same question and then act accordingly.

Redefining Love, part 2

No matter how hard we try, we cannot escape pain or suffering in our lives.  We also cannot escape the Truth.  One way or another, the Truth really does make you free...

I believe the key to reducing pain and suffering requires us all to recognize LOVE's power while understanding our own individual limitations and our own truth.  When we do, we begin to see that as our spirit, soul, and body aligns with our true heart's desires (vision), we unleash a power that redefines and transforms everything in it's path.

Where we can get off track is when we expect others to align with us.  Magic occurs when they do and suffering can occur when they don't.

So how do we stay on our Path?

How do we recognize the difference between life's challenges that try to take us off our Path where we learn and can overcome vs. real roadblocks designed to redirect us when we are actually off our Path?

Hmmmm.

The Truth is that only YOU will know the difference... because you are the only one who really knows your truth.

I believe God and the universe conspire to both challenge and teach us in an effort to shape our conviction (belief) and will.  Our ability to recognize and respond to these challenges refine us.  If we see these events through you're entire life's Perspective lens, we are often shown a very different Truth (in hindsight) that when accepted simply will Redefine Love.


Exhale.
Yea.................. ;)

This is what I've learned in 2012 (and yes, it is supposed to make you THINK).

My hope is that we all learn what we need so we will suffer less in 2013.

FEEL.    Write.     Believe.     Act.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I hope you and your family and friends have a wonderfully healthy and happy Holiday Season!

Redefining Love

The cliches that all say things like 'with age comes wisdom' are all incredibly, fundamentally TRUE.  There's definitely something to be said for the perspective that comes with getting older.  Now I'm not ancient by any means yet but in my 40+ years I am coming to understand not only my own value but also WHAT I value... and that understanding is essentially about Redefining Love.

Love really IS patient and kind; believes all things; endures all things... and at its core: 

Love truly never ever fails.

The interesting thing now that's altered my mindset is that I now allow and apply these principles of love to myself.

I have realized that I'm no longer tolerant of not being loved fully which means that I have begun to rethink how I allow myself to be treated by all who are in my life.  That also means I am allowing myself to get out of my head and into my heart much more... I am recognizing the circumstances, words, or actions that hurt me and saying to those people, "That's not okay.  It's not okay for you to treat me with disrespect by not valuing me (my feelings); or not allow me to express my feelings without judgment; or simply to not care enough to recognize how your actions can or do hurt me."

I am no longer absorbing the emotional impact of the actions of others simply because I have the capacity to love them or understand them (their reasons why).  I am saying "No.  This is my boundary." or even scarier yet I am saying "This is how I feel" and actually telling the honest truth.  I am choosing to communicate differently.

At this point, it is both terrifying and yet freeing to Speak My Truth... to say to a boss, coworker, friend, spouse, family member, or acquaintance what or how I FEEL without the need to logically justify my response.  The catch however is that I am also learning to RELEASE all those people from my expectation of reaction or response in return.

Ahhhhaaaa - you knew there was a catch, right?

Yep.

You'll have to allow all those who are in your life and used to you behaving or reacting one way to get used to you responding in a new way... and that takes patience from both parties.  And it takes PRACTICE.

The miracle that results however is worth the uncomfortable work in process.

By choosing to redefine love for yourself, you are unleashing the power that LOVE is to create new or renewed RELATIONSHIP with the people in your life.  Again, the key here is love.  This is not about unloading every criticism or hurt you've ever felt, righting past wrongs or selfish motivations... nor is it about EXPECTATIONS.  Rather it is an opportunity to refine what and how you communicate so that you are doing your part to BE Present and Honest with everyone in your life.

So for this, there is only the present.  You are Writing Your Vision moment by moment through your choice to actively love:  Open Heart 101.

It really IS A Wonderful Life... and I am choosing to LIVE it.  By redefining love of and for ourselves, we each have the opportunity to experience real depth of connection with one another... and that's a beautiful, miraculous gift.

Happy Holidays!
angela

How did I get here, again?

My head hurts today... as does the rest of me.  I've been traveling for work pretty much non-stop for the last several months.  Not exactly sure how that came about to the extent that it has... is one of those "how did I get here?" questions.

Life can be so funny.  When I DO slow down long enough to allow my mind some peace, it's amazing the clarity I get.  Things like:

• Stress will kill you
• Bills don't pay themselves
• Dry cleaning shouldn't be your only method of laundry
• a dog wagging it's tail really brings me joy
• I do love my pillow

And then I circle back to the "why are you doing this?" question.  So then I start to ask myself, "well, yea... WHY exactly?"  This is immediately followed by the entire list of "HAVE TO's" that seem to dictate my every move lately.

Hmmmm...

Did I create the "Have To" list?

Am I just reacting because I'm overwhelmed?

Who exactly said I "had to" DO anything?

Hmmmm....

Time to REGROUP!  

Okay, so how exactly do I deconstruct what I've been doing and determine my 

Go Forward Strategy?

Simple.

I don't deconstruct anything.  Just need to let it go... AND get back to writing my vision for Today, this week, month and so on.

There's no point really in trying to figure out WHY.  I just need to change my behavior.

exhale

deep breath in

exhallllllleeeeee

It's really easy to beat ourselves up for things we haven't done, etc.  We ARE our own worst critics after all.  It's also easy to get lost in the past.  The truth is that there is ONLY now.  Only Today.  There's no guarantee for tomorrow though we'd all like to believe so... and yesterday really and truly is over.  So what about NOW?

I've written my vision for my future... revised it quite a few times already.  But I haven't written my Now lately.  So I am going to do that next.  Then I'm going to dust off my guitar and relearn my chords.

exhale

I've let "now" get away from me and right at this moment, I'm taking that back.  My life can't be about waiting forever for what I don't have nor dwelling on yesterday.  I know where I am going - I have my vision - but I'm missing out on today.  So enough already...

Time to live.

This moment.

This day.

Happy Friday all - I hope you all spend today PRESENT.

;) angela

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Define "Complicated..."

Nowadays the two catch-phrases that annoy me the most are "It's complicated..." and "It is what it is..."  It seems as though people have become accustomed to indecisiveness.  Better to wait it out and see what happens, right?

NOT.

In politics, we see polling for everything.  Messaging is critical.  Same is often true in the corporate business world, in government, and lately even in spiritual conversations.  Yep, even there...

I find myself looking upward and asking:  "REALLY???"

What's sooooo complicated???

Truth is - I don't think it IS all THAT complicated.  I think it's all pretty simple.  Problem is we - humans - can complicate or dramatize almost anything.

SIDEBAR:  Have you seen those Liberty Mutual insurance commercials??  Totally crack me up because they are SO true.  Sometimes despite our best efforts, stuff still happens... :)

Take ANY situation or circumstance you're facing right now.  Chances are if you're thinking "it's complicated" that most likely means there's some decision you're putting off making.  You don't want to hurt someone.  You're afraid.  Or some other negative emotion that seems far worse than the current feeling.  Hmmm - yea.

Thing is we've become so conditioned to 'reacting' that we're often terrified of ACTING.

"Plan B... need a Plan B" is what I hear ALL the time.

I don't believe in Plan B.  I think Plan B is by definition putting it out there that you don't have any faith whatsoever in Plan A.

Faith by definition is "the substance of things HOPED FOR, the evidence of things NOT seen."  So why can't we just go with Plan A?  What are we so afraid of that we default to 'it's complicated?' Or 'it is what it is...?'

We're afraid of scenarios.  We all do it.  We go through the endless waterfall list of "possibilities" and get overwhelmed and stuck.  We are all so often fearful of the 'unknown' or worse yet 'what we THINK we know' that we'd rather just not face it.  Maybe if I wait long enough, someone else will decide... because then "I" don't have to be accountable for the choice.  "I" don't have to be the one causing the change which we equate with PAIN.

Uh huh.

The fear tells us that the status quo is FAR better than CHANGE...

Oh really?
Who told you that the equation is:

CHANGE = PAIN = BAD => Avoid PAIN ~ Avoid Change!

NOTE:  Think about ANY hero you may have.  What is the one thing they ALL have in common?


The funny thing is...

Change is a part of life.  There is nothing on this earth or in the heavens that isn't constantly in motion.  There's laws of attraction and energy. Nothing is ever created or destroyed... physics.  Mathematics.  Science.  And of course, Spirituality.  Even the bible tells us so.  When Moses asked "Who are you?"  God answered "I AM."

Not I was... or I will be... but I AM.

Present.  Constant.  A state of being not a state of been or be!  :)

We are ALL changing every second of every day so WHAT in the world is so scary???  Why would we settle for a false status quo (there's no such thing) in an attempt to stave off CHANGE?

Change is coming.

Change is here.

Change is GOOD... because it "IS."

The fascinating thing about the human condition is that we all long for change... to be better, get better... and yet?!!!?

See where I'm going here?? 

The greatest lessons I think we all learn in our lives is that when we TAKE A RISK the rewards - whether they are rewards in learning, maturity, finance, career, spirituality... (the list goes on) - ARE WORTH it on SOME level.  Always.  Every time.

As human BEINGS (not human doings), we have been fashioned to EXPERIENCE life.  That means that it is NEVER about the status quo.  Never.  Even when we are told, "Peace be still" that still requires ACTION not passivity.

Think about your life.
What's happening RIGHT NOW?

What is it that scares you the most?  Then ask yourself - WHY?  When we all start to break it down and actually DEFINE "Complicated" we can pretty quickly see that it really ISN'T.

THINK.  WRITE.   BELIEVE.   ACT.