Interestingly enough - the majority of the emails I get ask questions about love and relationships. Hmmm... while I'm not Dear Abby, I think the same rules for life apply to love. [Oh and while I love the emails, it would be SUPER if you guys would post comments and follow the blog - hint hint]
How do you prevent change from hurting people?
I've talked a lot about first having to KNOW what you want before you can get it. So what happens when you take all these steps and finally figure out what you want... but then you realize you are going to hurt some of the people you love because the changes you need to make may negatively affect them?
Let's break this down:
First: Change is inevitable. It happens no matter what you do - the question is do you want to positively have some influence over the change that happens in your life? or would you rather sit back passively, wait and see?
[I'm not the passive type so this doesn't work for me, but you're welcome to try!]
Next: Ask yourself, what would hurt the people you love more? For you to live a lie? to live a partial life? or to take a risk, grasp your dream and LIVE?
The thing to remember here is that YOU only have ONE life (that we know of)... so it's up to you to live it to the fullest. Now with everything, it's always going to be easier to stay put. It's always going to be less painful on the surface to keep the status quo. The problem is that you can't really escape your destiny, your dreams. You can put them on a back-burner. You can delay them. But eventually, they come back up... and there's nothing that can turn a positive into a negative like unrealized dreams.
The frustration builds. Little things that never bothered you suddenly do. You might gloss over the impact it will have on you --- thinking you can just suck it up. Be self sacrificing so not to hurt anyone else because of your needs / your dreams... that sounds noble doesn't it? Hmmm...
[I would argue it take more courage and nobility to take the risk than to be self sacrificing]
Even still, this can work for a while. For some, they can do it for a lifetime --- but before they die, I guarantee you they'll remember the love they walked away from; the dream they were too afraid to pursue. It never goes away. And if they're honest, it's always been there - always with them.
So what about those people you are trying not to hurt? I would argue that you're doing more harm to them and to yourself than the impact of the change would ever do.
What do I mean?
If you have people in your life who love you - really love you - they will want you to be happy.
For me, I BELIEVE in soulmates. The Ancient Greeks (Plato's Symposium) tell a mythical story where humans all had two heads, four arms, four legs originally... but they became too powerful wanting to take over heaven so Zeus decided to weaken them by splitting them apart. So for the remainder of their lives, all humans would search for their "other half." Now do I believe we all had two heads? Sometimes, I meet people that make me think so................ (am kidding) but NO, I don't think that. BUT I DO believe there is one person for each of us. I personally believe, different people come into our lives through the course of our lives to teach us new things - but in the end, there is only One.
So in the love circumstance: When you find your person and especially if the two of you agree, recognize the gift you've found.
Now suppose you both agree - but are with other people?
[Note: if you are married, all bets are off. The marriage commitment should not be disposable or taken lightly so that would be a separate discussion. I am talking about unmarried people here regardless of 'commitment.']
If this is you, yes making the change will hurt. BUT, if you really do belong together, by staying with the status quo - you're not only harming yourself and your soulmate, you're also depriving the person you're now with from meeting their perfect match as well. So while you may be preventing them from being hurt in the short term, what are you really doing? Are you really helping? If your heart is torn or really belongs to someone else, aren't you hurting them anyway?
In this case, I believe the Truth will always make you Free. So take the risk! Make the choice to believe in your dream. No matter what the fallout is, YOU will be better for having done it because you're being honest with yourself and those you love.
Think about it.
Write down what's on your mind.
Believe in your Truth.