Welcome to Write Your Vision!

Deep down, most people have dreams - they may be forgotten, unspoken, or unrealized - but they are there. I want to help you remember and believe in them again...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Horse Named Butch

Since my last post, there's been a LOT going on... seems like a roller coaster of emotions, would-be signs, and new or renewed decisions.  A veritable lifetime in only a few short days.

My question today is "What scares you the most?"  What's the ONE thing that you simply cannot bear to consider, to hear, or even allow the fleeting thought to zip past you mind because even the hint of it brings you to your knees?  Do you have that thought or concept now?

Okay, so what if the thing you feared most introduced itself to you?  What would you do?  How would you react?  Need some hints?
  • Loss of your job
  • Death of a spouse
  • Your love leaving you
  • A sick child
Loss or Potential Loss.  Loss of some kind in some form that causes heartbreak - causes the tightening in your chest or throat - and then the tears flow.  Sobbing. At times even the POTENTIAL of such a loss can stop us cold.  The potential can become so overwhelming, it can consume you for a minute, an hour, a day, week or longer...

The possibility of losing what you love most can change your world in an instant.  Suddenly that project for work isn't so important nor is cleaning the porch or any number of the other chores or momentary TO-DOs.  In those moments, nothing else matters.

When faced with that pain - that heartbreak - you re-prioritize.  Your body can only absorb so much before it shuts down, nightmares can plague your sleep; but the thing about that type of pain is that it doesn't actually kill you.  It just makes you wish it would.

Ever experience that?  Ever come close?  if yes, then you KNOW... if not, consider yourself blessed and cherish each moment.

Thing is that in those moments or during those times we question.  You may question yourself, question God, the universe, dreams, faith, all the POSITIVE things in life that you BELIEVEWhy? Because we all try to make sense from the circumstances confronting us that make no sense.  In our effort to understand and cope, we question... we wonder.  Those foundational belief questions may last a few seconds or longer.

For me, when faced with that level of fear despite my faith, I still question.  I still may wonder... but then I rebalance.  It doesn't lessen the pain per se but it is how my mind works to protect my heart.  But even then, when the questions start, I redirect those questions based on what I believe either intentionally or subconsciously.  And then, somehow God answers... always.

In this case, I met an amazing Pima Indian woman who spoke to me.  When I least expected grace, I received a message.  A confirmation.  Kindness.  A direct response.  An answer that spoke to my soul and released the wellspring of sorrow that I'd been unconsciously working to control.  The truth made me free... reminding me of MY DREAMS.  It was one of the most humbling moments of my life.  I still have not fully processed it all.

This incredibly was followed by a day of affirmations where people I either didn't know or barely knew spoke positive things to me from telling me how talented I was, how beautiful I was, that I was where I needed to be, doing what I was meant to be doing, and much more.  I was reunited with an old friend and met several new ones who made me laugh and coincidentally reminded me of ME... who I am, what I love, what I believe.  I felt my soul coming back.

And finally - if all that wasn't enough the next day was a day of FUN!  A day to RELEASE all the tension, to release the mental gymnastics, to truly BE IN THE MOMENT! 

It was a day where I was reminded that life was meant to be LIVED!  

I had an opportunity to almost be a kid again!  I was surrounded by the surreal beauty of the Arizona desert with cacti and red rocks and the sounds of water: images so breath-taking in their diversity, contradictions, and color that the spirituality of the place was heightened.  In the midst of this natural spectacle I had decided to go horseback riding as part of a group activity.  It felt right.  I had been looking forward to this from the beginning when I learned I'd be in this place.  It was nearly time.  I was so excited...

As our group gathered and our guide talked, I saw one of the most beautiful horses.  He was a Mustang - brown and white - gorgeous.  Proud.  He was the first to choose a rider.  Again by grace this majestic horse with more than a little attitude would be the one who chose me.  His name was Butch.  Sitting atop this incredible animal as we trotted through the desert was so joyful, so exhilarating, so humbling, and so spiritual that I got lost in the moment by moments taking it all in - from seeing a desert owl digging to jack rabbits and the amazing landscape.  More than anything I was PRESENT... and I was HAPPY.  Truly, deeply, overwhelmingly happy...

Butch knew what I needed: he challenged me, had to be in the lead but not too far ahead of his pack, and preferred to be off the 'trail' making his own way.  HE WAS PERFECT for me!  While riding him, I found me again.

And I laughed out loud.

In 48 hours, God had taken me through and brought me back to myself.  I felt FREE.  The spirits of the Pima tribe, the animals, the water, the rocks, and their horses warmed my heart and healed me.  They were all a gift and guides.

A reminder that the greatest, most powerful thing in the universe is not fear but LOVE.

That realization gave me an incredible joy and freedom to DREAM again!  To BELIEVE again and to know that I know that I know how truly blessed I am.

I was faced with one of my greatest fears and was blessed with a horse named Butch.


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