How did I get here, again?

My head hurts today... as does the rest of me.  I've been traveling for work pretty much non-stop for the last several months.  Not exactly sure how that came about to the extent that it has... is one of those "how did I get here?" questions.

Life can be so funny.  When I DO slow down long enough to allow my mind some peace, it's amazing the clarity I get.  Things like:

• Stress will kill you
• Bills don't pay themselves
• Dry cleaning shouldn't be your only method of laundry
• a dog wagging it's tail really brings me joy
• I do love my pillow

And then I circle back to the "why are you doing this?" question.  So then I start to ask myself, "well, yea... WHY exactly?"  This is immediately followed by the entire list of "HAVE TO's" that seem to dictate my every move lately.

Hmmmm...

Did I create the "Have To" list?

Am I just reacting because I'm overwhelmed?

Who exactly said I "had to" DO anything?

Hmmmm....

Time to REGROUP!  

Okay, so how exactly do I deconstruct what I've been doing and determine my 

Go Forward Strategy?

Simple.

I don't deconstruct anything.  Just need to let it go... AND get back to writing my vision for Today, this week, month and so on.

There's no point really in trying to figure out WHY.  I just need to change my behavior.

exhale

deep breath in

exhallllllleeeeee

It's really easy to beat ourselves up for things we haven't done, etc.  We ARE our own worst critics after all.  It's also easy to get lost in the past.  The truth is that there is ONLY now.  Only Today.  There's no guarantee for tomorrow though we'd all like to believe so... and yesterday really and truly is over.  So what about NOW?

I've written my vision for my future... revised it quite a few times already.  But I haven't written my Now lately.  So I am going to do that next.  Then I'm going to dust off my guitar and relearn my chords.

exhale

I've let "now" get away from me and right at this moment, I'm taking that back.  My life can't be about waiting forever for what I don't have nor dwelling on yesterday.  I know where I am going - I have my vision - but I'm missing out on today.  So enough already...

Time to live.

This moment.

This day.

Happy Friday all - I hope you all spend today PRESENT.

;) angela

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Define "Complicated..."

Nowadays the two catch-phrases that annoy me the most are "It's complicated..." and "It is what it is..."  It seems as though people have become accustomed to indecisiveness.  Better to wait it out and see what happens, right?

NOT.

In politics, we see polling for everything.  Messaging is critical.  Same is often true in the corporate business world, in government, and lately even in spiritual conversations.  Yep, even there...

I find myself looking upward and asking:  "REALLY???"

What's sooooo complicated???

Truth is - I don't think it IS all THAT complicated.  I think it's all pretty simple.  Problem is we - humans - can complicate or dramatize almost anything.

SIDEBAR:  Have you seen those Liberty Mutual insurance commercials??  Totally crack me up because they are SO true.  Sometimes despite our best efforts, stuff still happens... :)

Take ANY situation or circumstance you're facing right now.  Chances are if you're thinking "it's complicated" that most likely means there's some decision you're putting off making.  You don't want to hurt someone.  You're afraid.  Or some other negative emotion that seems far worse than the current feeling.  Hmmm - yea.

Thing is we've become so conditioned to 'reacting' that we're often terrified of ACTING.

"Plan B... need a Plan B" is what I hear ALL the time.

I don't believe in Plan B.  I think Plan B is by definition putting it out there that you don't have any faith whatsoever in Plan A.

Faith by definition is "the substance of things HOPED FOR, the evidence of things NOT seen."  So why can't we just go with Plan A?  What are we so afraid of that we default to 'it's complicated?' Or 'it is what it is...?'

We're afraid of scenarios.  We all do it.  We go through the endless waterfall list of "possibilities" and get overwhelmed and stuck.  We are all so often fearful of the 'unknown' or worse yet 'what we THINK we know' that we'd rather just not face it.  Maybe if I wait long enough, someone else will decide... because then "I" don't have to be accountable for the choice.  "I" don't have to be the one causing the change which we equate with PAIN.

Uh huh.

The fear tells us that the status quo is FAR better than CHANGE...

Oh really?
Who told you that the equation is:

CHANGE = PAIN = BAD => Avoid PAIN ~ Avoid Change!

NOTE:  Think about ANY hero you may have.  What is the one thing they ALL have in common?


The funny thing is...

Change is a part of life.  There is nothing on this earth or in the heavens that isn't constantly in motion.  There's laws of attraction and energy. Nothing is ever created or destroyed... physics.  Mathematics.  Science.  And of course, Spirituality.  Even the bible tells us so.  When Moses asked "Who are you?"  God answered "I AM."

Not I was... or I will be... but I AM.

Present.  Constant.  A state of being not a state of been or be!  :)

We are ALL changing every second of every day so WHAT in the world is so scary???  Why would we settle for a false status quo (there's no such thing) in an attempt to stave off CHANGE?

Change is coming.

Change is here.

Change is GOOD... because it "IS."

The fascinating thing about the human condition is that we all long for change... to be better, get better... and yet?!!!?

See where I'm going here?? 

The greatest lessons I think we all learn in our lives is that when we TAKE A RISK the rewards - whether they are rewards in learning, maturity, finance, career, spirituality... (the list goes on) - ARE WORTH it on SOME level.  Always.  Every time.

As human BEINGS (not human doings), we have been fashioned to EXPERIENCE life.  That means that it is NEVER about the status quo.  Never.  Even when we are told, "Peace be still" that still requires ACTION not passivity.

Think about your life.
What's happening RIGHT NOW?

What is it that scares you the most?  Then ask yourself - WHY?  When we all start to break it down and actually DEFINE "Complicated" we can pretty quickly see that it really ISN'T.

THINK.  WRITE.   BELIEVE.   ACT.

Life's Little Things...

Today it's raining - down pouring really - in Austin.  It's one of those beautiful, cleansing summer rains that smells earthy, clean, and fresh.  It melts the heat and delivers a melody of calm, relaxing torrents.

I love a summer thunderstorm.

They remind me of my grandmother... As a child and throughout my life, it's no secret that I adored my grandmother.  I've often been asked what made her so special or what was it about her that I loved so much?  Well, it was a thousand little things.  But mostly it was her seemingly unending love for me.  A love that shone through in everything she did when I was near her.  How her face would light up when I walked in... the fact that she'd hug me so tightly and kiss me as if she'd not seen me in years even if it was only a few hours ago... it was her laugh and that she found humor in most things.  It was that she made time for me and when I was with her, I was the center of her world... that she SAW me.

As a child, it's a true wonder to receive honest love.  Love that says "you'll never disappoint me" "I think you hung the moon!" with genuine affection.

As an adult, the continual, unwavering gift of that type of love is a miracle.  It grounds and centers your very soul.

But what's so great about thunderstorms?

When I was a kid and even a teen, I'd often spend the night at Gram and Pap's... she and I would stay up late after Pap had dozed off in his chair.  Many a summer night, we'd go out and sit on their porch.  It was a wonderful porch with a real roof over head but also the old school aluminum awnings that extended the reach of the porch... the type of awning that echoed rain.  Gram and I would sit out there on that porch for hours talking, laughing, and usually eating some sort of fresh fruit.  She seemed to have an endless supply of grapes or oranges, plums, nectarines, cherries... and the occasional dollop of vanilla ice cream.  We'd sit and snack until the wee hours of the morning - especially in the summer time.  But most of all, one of our FAVORITE times to be outside was during a storm.  We'd sit out there on that porch and cackle like kids with each thunderclap as we'd jump out of our skin.  It was late one summer night - storming.  I kept sticking my arm out to feel the rain fall.  Gram just laughed at me... then she snuck up behind me and grabbed my shoulders as if to push me out in the rain.  I jumped sky high and she laughed hysterically.  I scowled back swearing I wasn't afraid which made her laugh all the more.  Then I challenged her back saying I was gonna go stand out in that storm!  She mischievously met my glare and dared me to do it.  "I WILL!" I said, sticking my arm out again.  "Go ahead!" she countered.  So I did. (of course, right, for those of you who know me - lol ;)  I marched down two whole steps out from under the awnings and stood facing the neighbors house and the hills in the back in the downpour.  Gram just laughed all the more!  Then a HUGE clap of thunder sent me flying right into her lap soaking wet.  She just kept laughing and said "that thunder's not gonna get you!  Come on!"  And just like that she grabbed my hand and we stood back out there in the rain - together.  It was perfect.

Suffice it to say, that's about all I remember - except that we both got cold and then ran down to the basement to jump in the shower just to get warm.  Post shower we had some tea and eventually went to bed.

Gram never said anything dramatic like "always dance in the rain" or "face your fears" or any number of other pearls of verbal wisdom.  She just LIVED... and often laughed about whatever she was doing. That's one of the many things that made her so unique and so special.

I can't ever remember not loving summer storms.  No matter where in the world I was or what I was doing, the sound of thunder and good torrential rain always makes me pause.  And every now and then I can't help myself - I go stand, kick a puddle, or do a little dance in the rain.  Just because...

My dream for today is for every person to take just a moment and really think about the people you LOVE.  Do you love with conditions? or do you just LOVE, letting your heart be FULL for that other soul? whether it's your children, grandchildren, spouse/partner, or friend?

Challenge yourself to SEE them and allow that overwhelming, overflowing depth of love to come pouring out - express it!  On your face, in your eyes, with your smile, and hug! SHOW them!  You've NO idea of the impact it will have... and for anyone who can, I highly encourage - just once - for you to stand in the rain.

[And for all you parents and grandparents, teach the children in your life to STAND in the RAIN... but don't just dare them to do it.  Stand out there with them!  You'll both never forget it, I promise you.]

At the end of our days, whenever that may be, it will be Life's Little Things that truly matter most.

Thanks Gram... for teaching me still.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

WV is coming to the Big XII

For anyone who is a college football fan, there is NOTHING like the beginning of the season!  And this year, my beloved WVU Mountaineers are joining the Big XII Conference!

Look out WORLD, West Virginia is playing one game at a time on the road to win our first ever National Championship... and the people of WV cannot wait!

2012 West Virginia Mountaineers Football Schedule
Date		Opponent	Time/TV	Tickets
Saturday 09/01/12		Marshall Thundering Herd  Mountaineer Field, Morgantown, WV	12:00 p.m. ET FX	Buy Tickets
Saturday 09/08/12	---	Open Date	---	---
Saturday 09/15/12		James Madison Dukes  FedEx Field, Landover, MD	4:30 p.m. ET TV TBA	Buy Tickets
Saturday 09/22/12		Maryland Terrapins  Mountaineer Field, Morgantown, WV	TBA	Buy Tickets
Saturday 09/29/12		Baylor Bears (HC) Mountaineer Field, Morgantown, WV	TBA	Buy Tickets
Saturday 10/06/12		at Texas Longhorns  Darrell K. Royal - TX Mem. Stadium, Austin, TX	TBA	Buy Tickets
Saturday 10/13/12		at Texas Tech Red Raiders  Jones AT&T Stadium, Lubbock, TX	TBA	Buy Tickets
Saturday 10/20/12		Kansas State Wildcats  Mountaineer Field, Morgantown, WV	TBA	Buy Tickets
Saturday 10/27/12	---	Open Date	---	---
Saturday 11/03/12		TCU Horned Frogs  Mountaineer Field, Morgantown, WV	TBA	Buy Tickets
Saturday 11/10/12		at Oklahoma State Cowboys  Boone Pickens Stadium, Stillwater, OK	TBA	Buy Tickets
Saturday 11/17/12		Oklahoma Sooners  Mountaineer Field, Morgantown, WV	TBA	Buy Tickets
Friday 11/23/12		at Iowa State Cyclones  Jack Trice Stadium, Ames, IA	3:30 p.m. ET ABC	Buy Tickets
Saturday 12/01/12		Kansas Jayhawks  Mountaineer Field, Morgantown, WV	TBA	Buy Tickets

Let's Goooooo Mountaineeeeeers!!!

What's Next?

Well suffice it to say, I've been crazy busy lately... my job has afforded me the opportunity to fly across the country with some frequency these past few months.  I've been doing my best to work out again in an effort to be healthier; and I've been making time to have some FUN rather than waiting "until" or "as soon as..." (fill in your own blanks).

I can honestly say that TODAY was the first time in months I felt energetic.  I got up and made myself breakfast then prepared to go kayaking with my best friend who's become my trainer.  Out on the water on a kayak gliding across the lake felt beautiful, difficult, energizing, relaxing all at once.  It's simplicity was perfection.  In those moments I felt FREE and yet completely connected.  My cluttered mind focused and relaxed.  I am relearning 'how to breathe' and move.

By making time for myself the past few weeks, I've realized not only how unhealthy I'd become but also how distracted.  I've been unable to sleep for months.  My ability to be effective in any environment became incredibly taxing... and for an introvert, feeling unable to find any sort of 'QUIET' was beginning to madden me.  Funny how subtle and yet damaging life's daily circumstances can be when you're not really paying attention but are in react mode.

In short, I allowed myself to get lost.

Why?  How?  Well, last year was a very difficult year for me and as I'd written before, for the first time in my life, I felt my ability to bounce back was shattered.  I've been tired, taxed/maxed out, with very little willingness to grant myself any grace and I've been ANGRY.  Angry at my circumstances, people closest to me, and furious with myself for allowing those circumstances to happen and hurt me.  Now, here's the thing I've  since learned about anger -- if you don't deal with it directly, it builds... and it will rear it's proverbial head sometimes when you least expect it -- literally.

In my typical way, I began Writing Things Down months ago.  But these journal entries were more like a tirade than anything productive or visionary.  Still I reasoned that these ramblings were my 'healthy' attempt at expression and release.  My mind and heart were searching for a means to let go of the toxic negativity that my anger was creating.  Unfortunately, no matter what I did, it never seemed to be enough and my growing frustration with my inability to release my anger was just making me angrier.  Talk about a vicious cycle!  So okay.  I was angry.  People get angry every day.  No big deal.  I was allowed, right?  Hmmm... I got to the point where I'd ask myself constantly - "where is this coming from?  is this feeling about what's happening now?  is the circumstance of this moment generating a real emotion or is it a reminder of something else/something past?"  My usual mental analytics and gymnastics was on FULL BLAST 24/7.  "Am I just tired from traveling? not sleeping? stress?" and "How do I STOP this?"

Well, guess what?  There's no stopping it... there's only the opportunity to learn from it and allow yourself to experience it.  You know I hate the saying "It is what it is."  However, in this case, that is the honest truth.  There was no denying it, escaping it, hiding it, burying it, ignoring it or even attempting to face it and repel it.  My anger was going to run its course.  Period.

My friend Lidia has been saying to me for months now, "You just gotta experience it and let it flow through you then you can RELEASE it."  For the life of me, I had absolutely NO idea how to DO that.  It sounded good... but what was the "practice" of it?  How could I really DO it?  [See and the more the answer eluded me, the angrier I'd get... LOL]

So a few weeks ago I made up my mind (again) to stop being angry at my anger AND while I was at it to get out of my own way.  Despite traveling weekly, I still made myself get up morning when I could to at least stretch and work out during the week some how, some way.  Step 1.  Next, I started monitoring my food and sleep (I highly recommend fitbit.com).  Step 2 check.  Now at last TODAY after a week in one location - despite the stress, work, etc. - I HAD A GREAT DAY!  No Anger.  :)  WOW!

After our kayaking excursion, Lidia took me grocery shopping and I ended my afternoon of errands at Lowe's where I bought a truckload full of tools, etc. to FINALLY organize my garage.  I wasn't exhausted from the errands but energized by them!  I got home and made my lunches for the next few days... and got my food, etc. organized as well.

Back On Track!

And now tonight, as I reflected on my new-found productivity.  I realized I was HAPPY... not angry or anything else.  Just happy.  Relaxed.   PRESENT.

I missed this... I missed ME.  You ever feel like that??

It seems the decision I made to stop being Angry at my Anger was the trigger that finally allowed me to experience it, allow it to "be" and to continue to flow rather than staying blocked in my mind and heart.  That choice only a few weeks ago was what created the opening for RELEASE.  Could it really be THAT simple?  Apparently.  Go figure.

What's Next??
All I know is that I'm happy to have THIS Moment... and all the moments I had today.  Tomorrow will take care of itself.  For now, I believe I'm going to go to SLEEP.

Night.

Wire Walking

Lately I've been truly surprised at how many people are struggling.  Long-time marriages/couples are breaking up.  Layoffs.  Runaways.  Suicides.  Alcohol and drug use is up and even being praised or celebrated (check out the latest list of country songs by male singers or recent rap songs).  Seems like there is NOTHING but bad news at every turn...?

Is it that we are all going through mid-life crises?  something in the air?  what?

In my own life I've seen a serious increase in the amount of stress I am under, particularly at work, but not only there... and my ability to deal with it and release it seems to be thinning.  Hmmmm.  Have my circumstances changed?  Not really, not yet.  No.  So what's up?

I'm not entirely sure.

Last night however, I happened to see something that brought my chaotic and somewhat sad perspective into very sharp focus:  Nik Wallenda walking a wire across Niagra Falls.

If you didn't get the chance to see the broadcast, I hope you check it out on YouTube on the link above because it was simply amazing.  This was his dream come true and as he was stepping out onto the wire and walking purposefully, slowly across this wire, he was praying.  Talking with his own father as well as praising / acknowledging God.  I've never seen a more perfect embodiment of how we should all live and proceed through life than I did watching him put one foot in front of the other, despite swirling 30mph wind, swirling rain that made each step slippery, and a moving narrow road (the wire itself).  He never paused.  He never slowed, although he did run the last few steps -- as I think we all would toward our own finish lines.  He never back-tracked.

Slow.  Steady.  Forward.  Each step deliberate.

On the social net, many were mocking him.  Mocking his faith.  Mocking his attempt.  Criticizing everything from his speed, to the little harness, to his clothing, etc. etc. etc.  The few people on the net that did actually praise him or were awed by this effort were then also mocked by others.

Again, another perfect example of the negative noise we all hear whenever we attempt to do ANYthing positive.  There are always THOSE voices.  The voices of ridicule, the voices of criticism and doubt.  The voices of fear, anger, resentment.  There were literally 10 times the number of negative or mocking posts for every one positive post.

Don't we all experience this same thing?  Whether it's the negativity of others or the negative self-talk in our heads that we think is our voice?

I found myself literally praying he would not slip, could have the strength to finish his journey; that he kept moving forward... and when he did, I actually had tears in my eyes and clapped for him.

What he did truly represented the wire we all walk every day of our lives... so my tears were as much for myself and the reminder he had just brought back to me as it was to celebrate what God allowed us all to see.  Amazing, Inspiring, Humbling GRACE under pressure.

Life is a Wire Walk.

It is treacherous at times, chalk full of challenges that are meant to topple us into a swirling mist and churning waters that will break our bodies and minds if we fall.

And yet, we are all called to walk.

We all innately know we must put one foot in front of the other... and keep our eyes forward even though we often cannot see the other side or are blinded by the streaming rain or swirling misty winds.  We must move forward.

And while family and friends can support us, the truth is that we are alone on that wire with nothing but our own strength and skill endowed by God to make us move.  It is our choice to walk.  It is our choice to have FAITH in both God and ourselves.  It is our choice to prepare ourselves as best we can to MAKE THAT WALK...

God is with us.  But we must decide to walk... forward.  Rather than staying where we are or back-tracking.  He has given us what we need to reach the other side, we just have to each believe we CAN do it and then choose to make each step.

Thanks Nik.

Today, I'm walking forward.  I hope we all do!

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Choice? Chance? or Something Else?

Life really is funny sometimes and I am always surprised at how in an instant it can change - for better or worse.  I know many people believe everything is Random Chance; while others argue for Fate and Destiny.

I tend to believe in both... but I do prefer to narrow my odds any way I can!  That way, if it IS fate then I'm doing my part and IF it's just random, at least I feel better with my attempt at control.  LOL

Today I just feel happy.

I bought football tickets to the WVU vs. Texas Longhorns game here in Austin on October 6th.  That just made me smile.  It's FUN and I do love my team(s).  While this is just a little thing in the grand scheme, it reminded me how nice it is to be ABLE to DO what I want to do sometimes.  So often there's setbacks, unreasonable constraints caused by things beyond our control, or any number of a hundred other things that get in the way of even the most insignificant choices.  So every now and then when something just goes RIGHT, it's nice to celebrate it, to savor it.  No matter how big or how seemingly small.

So what makes some things go so right and other days nothing at all work?

Well it may be a combination of the above or something else entirely.  For me, today at least, it doesn't really matter.  What DOES matter is how I deal with it all...

Call it a control issue or doing my part to help the universe along on my behalf or simply FAITH - whatever you choose - but the bottom line is that putting your VISION out there sets things in motion whether it's the law of action and reaction or God's hand at work.  It works!

I like to think God has a sense of humor as well as purpose.  He's always teaching... but I'm finding as I get older that the universal principles of faith, persistence, trust, forgiveness, and love really do combine to carry us forward on a timeless wave... AND when we stop battling to swim against the current but rather relax and enjoy the ride, it can be amazing.  But these things take PRACTICE.  It's not enough to 'know' what the right thing to do is but rather to ACT on those convictions.  It's not enough to simply dream about a better future, but rather to DO whatever we can to help facilitate that future.  Even "being still" requires activity.  It is an action not a passive state.  Okay? Yes, so now what?  Where to start?

It begins with Writing Your Vision.

What do you want?  What do you need?  What do you know?

Take the time to Think about what you want.  Large or small.  Then Write that thought(s) down.  Now Speak what you wrote out loud.  Say it.  Choose to Believe that it IS possible... and Act accordingly.

Simple formula.
Very difficult for most of us to DO.

Regardless, if you take the time and set your intention, you'll be amazed by the Power of giving voice to your own heart's desire... and awed by the Grace that will come to breathe life into your words.  I dare you to try it!  and watch your Faith arise as you start to see your prayers answered.  Because that's what these really are - intentions, thoughts, hopes, dreams - they're prayers.

Buying those tickets today made me smile AFTER I did it because when I got home, I realized I had just fulfilled my own hope.

Years ago I wrote in my Prayer Journal that I wanted to go to a WV-TX football game whenever they played, preferably for a national championship! but bowl game, whatever... I just wanted to go.  That's what I actually had written down.  I had completely forgotten I'd done that until today.  Now in the past year or so, I've talked about season tickets here, buying tickets at WVU, etc. etc. etc... but apparently I hadn't WRITTEN any of THAT down.  The only thing I wrote was about this one thing.  Very specific.  For whatever reason, today I go the urge to look up how to get tickets to this game and proceeded to buy them.  That alone made me happy... but then I had this tickling in the back of my brain that started reminding me that I had ALWAYS wanted and intended to go to this game.  I shook it off.  Silly.  And then just as I sat down to write this blog post, I remembered.  I had actually written down my request long long ago when Vince Young was QB at Texas.

Well, I'll be.........

Now some of you may discount this entirely as a self-fulfilling action... and you're partially right.  But the truth is that I still did it without thinking or realizing that today.

And isn't that the point?

Today I ACTED on behalf of my own vision from years ago.  And in a few months when I actually GO to the game, I'll have another item to cross off my prayer request list.  It's a very very small, truly insignificant detail and yet, it's on the path to coming true.  I believe this is because "even the hairs on my head are numbered" (Luke 12:7, Matthew 10:30).  I believe God cares about every single insignificant detail of my life; AND that He is working all things together for good (Romans 8:28).

Consider riding that timeless wave for yourself... and watch as even the smallest things start to come together in your life.  You'll be surprised, amazed, and humbled.  I know I am.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.