Choice? Chance? or Something Else?

Life really is funny sometimes and I am always surprised at how in an instant it can change - for better or worse.  I know many people believe everything is Random Chance; while others argue for Fate and Destiny.

I tend to believe in both... but I do prefer to narrow my odds any way I can!  That way, if it IS fate then I'm doing my part and IF it's just random, at least I feel better with my attempt at control.  LOL

Today I just feel happy.

I bought football tickets to the WVU vs. Texas Longhorns game here in Austin on October 6th.  That just made me smile.  It's FUN and I do love my team(s).  While this is just a little thing in the grand scheme, it reminded me how nice it is to be ABLE to DO what I want to do sometimes.  So often there's setbacks, unreasonable constraints caused by things beyond our control, or any number of a hundred other things that get in the way of even the most insignificant choices.  So every now and then when something just goes RIGHT, it's nice to celebrate it, to savor it.  No matter how big or how seemingly small.

So what makes some things go so right and other days nothing at all work?

Well it may be a combination of the above or something else entirely.  For me, today at least, it doesn't really matter.  What DOES matter is how I deal with it all...

Call it a control issue or doing my part to help the universe along on my behalf or simply FAITH - whatever you choose - but the bottom line is that putting your VISION out there sets things in motion whether it's the law of action and reaction or God's hand at work.  It works!

I like to think God has a sense of humor as well as purpose.  He's always teaching... but I'm finding as I get older that the universal principles of faith, persistence, trust, forgiveness, and love really do combine to carry us forward on a timeless wave... AND when we stop battling to swim against the current but rather relax and enjoy the ride, it can be amazing.  But these things take PRACTICE.  It's not enough to 'know' what the right thing to do is but rather to ACT on those convictions.  It's not enough to simply dream about a better future, but rather to DO whatever we can to help facilitate that future.  Even "being still" requires activity.  It is an action not a passive state.  Okay? Yes, so now what?  Where to start?

It begins with Writing Your Vision.

What do you want?  What do you need?  What do you know?

Take the time to Think about what you want.  Large or small.  Then Write that thought(s) down.  Now Speak what you wrote out loud.  Say it.  Choose to Believe that it IS possible... and Act accordingly.

Simple formula.
Very difficult for most of us to DO.

Regardless, if you take the time and set your intention, you'll be amazed by the Power of giving voice to your own heart's desire... and awed by the Grace that will come to breathe life into your words.  I dare you to try it!  and watch your Faith arise as you start to see your prayers answered.  Because that's what these really are - intentions, thoughts, hopes, dreams - they're prayers.

Buying those tickets today made me smile AFTER I did it because when I got home, I realized I had just fulfilled my own hope.

Years ago I wrote in my Prayer Journal that I wanted to go to a WV-TX football game whenever they played, preferably for a national championship! but bowl game, whatever... I just wanted to go.  That's what I actually had written down.  I had completely forgotten I'd done that until today.  Now in the past year or so, I've talked about season tickets here, buying tickets at WVU, etc. etc. etc... but apparently I hadn't WRITTEN any of THAT down.  The only thing I wrote was about this one thing.  Very specific.  For whatever reason, today I go the urge to look up how to get tickets to this game and proceeded to buy them.  That alone made me happy... but then I had this tickling in the back of my brain that started reminding me that I had ALWAYS wanted and intended to go to this game.  I shook it off.  Silly.  And then just as I sat down to write this blog post, I remembered.  I had actually written down my request long long ago when Vince Young was QB at Texas.

Well, I'll be.........

Now some of you may discount this entirely as a self-fulfilling action... and you're partially right.  But the truth is that I still did it without thinking or realizing that today.

And isn't that the point?

Today I ACTED on behalf of my own vision from years ago.  And in a few months when I actually GO to the game, I'll have another item to cross off my prayer request list.  It's a very very small, truly insignificant detail and yet, it's on the path to coming true.  I believe this is because "even the hairs on my head are numbered" (Luke 12:7, Matthew 10:30).  I believe God cares about every single insignificant detail of my life; AND that He is working all things together for good (Romans 8:28).

Consider riding that timeless wave for yourself... and watch as even the smallest things start to come together in your life.  You'll be surprised, amazed, and humbled.  I know I am.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

My Vision & Hope

Today would have been my grandmother's 89th birthday.  For anyone who's read this blog or simply known me over the years, you know she was one of the most pivotal people to have graced my life.  In my estimation, she was simply PERFECT...

She loved me wholly and completely.  NO questions.

She touched my heart and understood my soul intuitively.

She made me smile every single time I saw her or heard her voice.

She was LOVE to me.

She's been gone a few years now and the loss simply does not lessen over time.  But that's okay because she is ever-present with me.  Truly.

She and I used to celebrate our birthdays together.  One cake.  And we would talk... most of the time on her porch.  She'd reflect briefly on the past but generally we'd chat about "What's Next??"

So today - on her day - I've been asking myself that same question:  WHAT's NEXT?

I've written a lot here about the need for a VISION, how to determine what yours is, and steps to take to attain it... but I've never really outlined the basics of mine for you.  I won't go into too much detail here because that would literally take writing out the tons of pages in my Prayer Journal but I hope you know that I am absolutely serious when I say WRITE IT DOWN!  I write in depth, down to the smallest detail every aspect of my hope... but here is how I began.  These pieces led me to fill in more and more along the way.

Angela 101 Vision Basics

1. I want to have a positive impact on every single person in my life that I meet.  I want each one to be better off for having known me, if only for a brief time (allow me to be to others what Gram was/is to me).
2. I seek to love fully and completely, with courage and faith, ever believing in love's pure power to transform and heal.
3. I ask that I am approved by God; a joyfully married partner for life;  a wise parent; a best friend; a thoughtful, fun and giving lover; a generous teacher; a debt-free steward; a patient daughter/sister; and an inspiring leader.
4. I believe I will have a safe, warm and useful home (see architecture layout, landscaping, et.al.) on XX acres of land that will be fenced in for my animals (see stables, garage, et.al.) and have awe-inspiring views that reminds me every day of God's artistic majesty and blessings (see hills, river, seasons).  This home will be close to family and friends ensuring they are part of my every day life.
5. I pray I accomplish that which I was created to do for God first - and I pray I live each day striving to do just that.  Give me the desire and vision to see what I should do and the will to make what is in my power to do happen.  Teach me to influence others as you would want to achieve Your greater good in whatever role I am in.  Show me how you see each person so I may understand first and speak/act thereafter accordingly.  Allow me to serve and bless me with the opportunity to GIVE.
6. Grant me grace for today and bless me with ongoing health for the remainder of my life.
7. Bless me with a partner for life who loves me as much as You do, Lord and who recognizes my worth and our strength together as a team who each loves according to 1 Cor 13 every day, teaching and challenging one another to be better.  Wholly loyal and unwilling to accept anything less than each other, living courageously for God and each other first.
8. Keep me humble, trustworthy, and teachable Lord but grant me the strength, courage, and internal knowing/wisdom to teach and to lead with my work, my hobbies, etc. 
9. Speak skill in/over me in all that I do so that I do it well:
1. Athletic
2. Musical - able to play the guitar well, appreciate all music
3. Intelligent with a keen understanding of scripture, history, philosophy, and literature (although I could use some help with math as well)
4. Communicator - able to speak clearly, listen intently, write eloquently
5. Leader - with David's heart, Solomon's wisdom, and Peter's faith
10. Create in me a desire to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually HEALTHY and strong always; opening me up to lessons ensuring I AM.

I then also created my own Bucket List of Things I wanted TO DO as well, but that is a separate list.  Nonetheless, these 10 things have been the basics for my hope and vision for my life since I was a teen.  I work at them every day and have since filled in much more detail on the WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHY - leaving the HOW up to God to direct.

What's your Vision?  

For today, my prayer is simple.  

I hope to be a woman like my Gram... and I hope she knows how unbelievably loved she still is.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Planets Aligning?

Yesterday turned out to be a really good day.  My day started by hearing the voice of the person I love, which is a great way to begin!  As the day progressed, we got to chat and just spend some time together.  It was nice.  Later in the day, I got to spend time with some friends and learned - compliments of Google Sky Map - that the planets were aligning with the big FULL Moon.  It felt like the planets were aligning!  Have you ever felt that??  Things just seemed to be moving in the right direction...

As I thought about my day, I was surprised at how genuinely HAPPY I was almost all day.  There'd been some setbacks lately, things that really got me down; but I actually laughed out loud at different times reminding me that Life could be good despite the fact that my dreams weren't yet reality.

It was the first day in a long while where I felt LITE.

When you've been through a tough time or when you finally figure out what your dream IS, it can be incredibly difficult to invoke patience.  As you're moving through the emotional onslaught of positives you tell yourself to combat the negative, it can at times feel like a Tar Pit where the more you struggle against it, the more stuck you get!  I think I've felt more stuck than not by my current circumstances, which has left me feeling frustrated and at times, sad.  So how WONDERFUL was it, do you think to actually FEEL light?

Pretty great.

The thing is that the planets only align infrequently at best, cyclically, but not that often... If you're not paying attention to those glimpses, you can easily miss your opportunity to be aware of them nor appreciate the experience.  The same is true I think for life.  I believe God creates opportunity spaces for each of us to MOVE us into the direction of our future, our vision... but we have to be AWARE.  We have to be paying attention, constantly looking for our chances to step forward, otherwise, the opportunity may come and go without us ever noticing how ONE choice could change our experience, change our future.

Doesn't mean that the planets won't still align, but rather that those who are on the look-out will likely make informed choices verses those who are blissfully unaware.  I think basically it means that the former will take less time... and for those of us with little patience, the less time, the better!

My goal is to pay attention to ALL those opportunity spaces to make sure I am making the most of each chance I get to move forward toward my dreams.  That also means, choosing not to be afraid and taking the time to stop and look at the Moon ;)

I want to be aware when my planets align... taking advantage of the opportunities and moving forward toward my dreams.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

The Art of Waiting

I seem to struggle with the concept of "not right now."  I'm an individual genetically programmed for action.  No matter how hard I try to be in the moment - in my current circumstance -  my dreams for my perfect world are ever present creating sometimes an overwhelming dissatisfaction with NOW... and unfortunately the sadness that the longing brings makes being "present" very difficult at times.

My logical brain informs me regularly that "I" am not solely in charge of my future nor of my circumstances... that in fact there ARE others involved.  And unfortunately for me those other characters in my life's story are not presently willing or able to act on our mutually agreed upon dream(s).  The result:  I am forced to WAIT.

I used to feel that there really wasn't anything to hurry about, that I/we had a lifetime so no rush.  No need to unnecessarily upset the current apple cart but rather that things would unfold over time.

However, as I get older, watching days become weeks, weeks become months, and months become years, I find I no longer feel that way.  I essentially believe that your dreams will only come true if you take the steps to ACT on creating the future you want.

So what do you do to discipline your mind against the longing, against the impatience to allow yourself to be in your present happily without losing focus on your dream or purpose?

I think you have to follow the basic principles that comprise what I call the Art of Waiting:

Step 1 - Pray (Meditate).  If you haven't already written down your Vision - what you WANT - then you need to start there and do that.
Step 2 - Trust that God knows your heart's desire.  Remind yourself of this whenever the sadness creeps in knowing that you are LOVED.
Step 3 - Never Give Up!  Have faith and act on that faith by doing all you can to prepare your life for the changes that your dream coming true will bring.
Step 4 - Speak the Truth.  Take the risk of saying out loud what you want, what you are praying for... what your heart's desire actually IS.

This last step is perhaps one of the most important... because I believe God acts on our behalf when we ASK and He is ensured of the credit when what we ask for is granted or given to us.  He doesn't want us chalking our changes or dreams coming true to randomness or circumstances, our own brilliance or even luck or time.  He wants the credit and praise for an Answered Prayer.  Our silence minimizes His Actions on our behalf and therefore His Glory.

I think the simple truth is that we all have lessons to learn along our journey to our Dream or our Vision.  For some of us, it's about TRUST... others, it's about recognizing our own WORTHINESS - that we deserve our path and our happiness, even if we think it may not be what others may want or want for us.  Still for others it's about fighting our fears and making decisions based on what we KNOW to be True.  And the list of reasons goes on and on and on.

Joy comes when AT LAST your dream, your desire is fulfilled for sure.  But in the meantime, do what you can by honoring the journey of those you love particularly if you are waiting for a mutual dream to come true.  That doesn't mean sit idly by but it does mean there is something essentially active about learning to WAIT without fear or judgment.  Make sure you are doing your part -- all you can -- from speaking your truth to actively changing your circumstances where you can... and then encourage those you love to do the same.

Perhaps once you and I perfect the art of waiting, that lesson will be one of the last pieces needed on our journey toward our dreams coming true!  I sure hope so...  ;)

Food for thought, right?

THINK.    WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

I'd love to hear about your journey!  Please share your stories of waiting and/or subsequent fulfillment.  I'd like to know how you made it through or if you're still waiting too?!

Where do I/we go from here?

I find myself wondering this more than I care to admit.  It's the nagging tickler in my mind's eye that reminds me, nudges me, and provokes me to THINK and wonder.

"What...IF?"

Every life truly does have a story.  A purpose.  Is it any wonder then that our souls are driven to seek out that purpose and plan?  To fulfill the VISION even when aspects of it remain hidden to us... I've found that there is an intricate pattern woven by choice and tempered by challenges that seems, in hindsight, to be designed to keep us between the lines of our real destiny's path.  The fluidity of our lives slows or quickens proportionally with our willingness to recognize and learn, making decisions that move us forward toward that destiny.

Most days my vision for my life feels more like a demand requiring my attention and devotion, propelling me forward even when I try with all my might to slow it down.

My FEELINGS seem to have a mind of their own.  Hmmmm....sort of like this run-away train at times.  The power of the emotions blurring everything else.  Lately I feel as if I'm in one of two states:  either standing perfectly still with life whirling past me -- OR -- I'm moving at the speed of light while everything else moves at a glacial pace.  In both cases, it makes it incredibly difficult to LIVE IN THE MOMENT!

Can you live in the moment and yet focus on your vision or dream?  Aren't those two things inherently in opposition?

Yes and No.  How's that for clarity?

I believe that's the fun of life.  We are each 'called' to LIVE... and living is complicated no matter how simple we try to make it.  The key we are told is to have balance - allowing ourselves to stand still if we need to while still pushing ourselves to move forward and make changes that are uncomfortable to get us closer to our destiny... that nagging vision.

For anyone who has been through a tough time, you inevitably reach a point though when you ask yourself: "Where do I/we go from here?" because your personal balancing act resulted in a lot of broken plates that crashed when you could no longer spin all of them.

How do I reach my goal? my vision? my destiny?

This is how the "What IF" questions start because we are all SEEKING; trying to unravel the hidden road in front of us so that we can KNOW what steps to take.  Problem is that we often don't "know" and we must instead rely on faith and simply choose to take that first step, and then the next, and the next... even when it would be so much easier to back-track or stay put.

The thing is that even if you're in a season of stillness - you can't stay there.  Eventually we all have to move forward.  Life simply won't allow us to not move.  So the answer to the question really is: FORWARD.

Just remember, it's up to you whether or not you take baby steps or a giant leap.  Either way, it's your path and it's your destiny.  Choose for you because that's precisely what we are each called to do... and then trust that God will take care of the rest of the details.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

AAAAGGGGHHHHH

This week has been particularly challenging.  Seems like things really do come in three's - ever notice that? First one thing happens, maybe a sleepless night; then flight changes, family circumstances, some physical restrictions... and the next thing you know, you're finally working out with your trainer and you reach the top of a rather large set of stairs in the middle of the woods and just shout:

AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

exhale

I felt like a volcano.

Seems like life has been swirling around me and I'm not really participating... just listening or rather trying to decipher the words coming at me from all angles.  Everything and everyone sounds like the Snoopy teacher:  Waaa Waaa Waaaaa Waa Waaaaaa Wa Waaaa.

Huh?

And as I stand in the middle of my figurative tornado of thoughts, words, emotions, projects, people, planes, and baggage, the ONLY thing I wanted to do was GET AWAY.  I can feel that I'm getting desperately raw which is making me seriously angry.  Thus the shout.  I wish it had been a scream, but seems I'm not terribly good at screaming.  I growl.

Lots of people say "I need a vacation."  And I'm sure they do... but I'm SERIOUS.  (Yes, I'm laughing at myself as I write that... as if others are somehow NOT serious).

So I'm trying to get back to a little levity and simplicity here.  1) Breathe  2) Plan a Get-Away  3) Figure out what needs to be done so I CAN get-away...  ;)  then 4) Breathe more.

My vision for now is exactly that.  A vacation.  NO cell phone.  NO iPad.  No laptop.  Literally.  No To-Do list.  I don't even want an adventure.  I want Q U I E T.

I'm sure all you parents know and long for moments of "quiet."  I would like to request several of those moments to occur consecutively, please?  Nothing fancy.  Nothing even that expensive.  Just "quiet" so I may actually be able to hear my own thoughts rather than the thoughts of everyone else.  I feel somewhat like Bruce Almighty where he begins to hear all the prayers of the people of Buffalo while at dinner.  Doesn't mean I am God or even think I'm THAT important but the increasingly LOUD vocal clutter in my head is deafening.

Funny how that happens.  The shouting TO DO list in your mind takes over drowning out all other thoughts... now while I grant you that the shouting TO DO is much better than any negative mental gymnastics, it can have a similar effect:  feeling small and powerless, overwhelmed.

Hmmm.  Time for a Re-set.

Okay, I know what's needed.  Understand what my solution must be... now to begin taking the moment by moment, day by day steps to get me to where I want to be / go!  Time to write down my vision!  Beginning with where do I want to go?  Followed by a tighter definition of when (saying as soon as possible really isn't very clear)... and then what do I want to do?  (that will determine what I wear and bring).

The same rules that apply to planning a vacation, apply to life's purpose or vision.  Begin with what you know rather than what you don't and the basics of where you want to go.  The rest of the Q&A will follow from there.  Once you figure that part out, then you get the rest of life and work organized to support that vision (in my immediate case, my vacation).  Take action steps to make what you want happen.

And lastly, refuse to give up.  If there's a WILL, then the cliche is true - there IS a WAY!  There's always a way for whatever you want or dream about.  Believe it!

You simply have to decide for yourself and then take the (baby) steps -- or you can be a sprinter, hurtler, like me - and move forward toward your vision.  It's worth it!

THINK.    WRITE.    BELIEVE.    ACT.

Timing, Part 3: There is only NOW

We all think about both our past and our future.  Most of us are not content with some aspect of our lives that makes us long for the past or dream about a better tomorrow.  It's human nature.  It's also in our nature to be looking for love, satisfaction, and some semblance of understanding about who we are and why we are here...

I've found that if we are struggling with the latter two things, nearly everything about life can feel uncertain.

For whatever reason I've been graced with a measure of certainty throughout my life.  I've generally known who I am and for the most part why I'm here and what I'm meant to do.  Doesn't mean I've always done it nor have I routinely made good choices, but when I do make those choices I do it with certainty.

I've thought about this more and more lately... as I've questioned life's "Timing" and it's randomness.  I've wondered how anyone - including me - could be certain about anything?  Isn't life all about the grey?  So in my usual mind-numbing fashion I started to deconstruct my own sense of "certainty" to see what exactly I'm so sure about.

What I realized is that I inherently do recognize that there is only NOW.

Today - this moment - is what you and I have... and I believe that life is about making the MOST of those moments.  There's a great scene/line in the movie, "When Harry Met Sally" at the end when Harry finally realizes that he's loved Sally all along.  He is walking and begins remembering so we see a sequence of 'memories' with Sally.  As he's remembering, he begins walking faster until he's finally RUNNING to find her.  His legs can't get him to her fast enough.  He arrives out of breath, their eyes meet, and after exchanging a few other words, it comes to this:

   Harry Burns:     I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you. 
   Sally Albright:  What? 
   Harry Burns:     I love you. 
   Sally Albright:  How do you expect me to respond to this? 
   Harry Burns:    How about, you love me too. 
   Sally Albright:  How about, I'm leaving. 

Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. 


Bingo.


The reason I suggest "Writing Your Vision" is to help us all get to our own realization about our lives.  All the cliches apply... and they apply for a reason because there are nuggets of truth in them all.


Life is short.  We only have NOW.  


So are you living the life that you want and need?  Do you have the job, the spouse, the home or family that you KNOW you are meant to have?


If the answer is "No" - forget the reasons why not and start making the decisions to make your dreams a reality.  You are the only one standing in your way.  Timing is more of an excuse than an actual factor... because there's never going to be a good time for real change.


The thing that I've learned is that when you make your decisions based on what you KNOW to be true and you resist the fear and resist the worry about the circumstances, you stop living a lie.  It grants you the grace of certainty.  The verse (John 8:32) says "The Truth Will Make You Free" and that is absolutely right.  Never be afraid of the Truth.  God will take care of the details when you operate in Truth, making decisions beginning with the real Truth.  You just have to step into the water...then watch your own Red Sea of Challenge part.

The truth about timing is that There Is Only Now... so what are you waiting for?

The Truth will Make you FREE, always in all ways.
Trust in your dream.
Choose to live your vision...

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.