My Vision & Hope

Today would have been my grandmother's 89th birthday.  For anyone who's read this blog or simply known me over the years, you know she was one of the most pivotal people to have graced my life.  In my estimation, she was simply PERFECT...

She loved me wholly and completely.  NO questions.

She touched my heart and understood my soul intuitively.

She made me smile every single time I saw her or heard her voice.

She was LOVE to me.

She's been gone a few years now and the loss simply does not lessen over time.  But that's okay because she is ever-present with me.  Truly.

She and I used to celebrate our birthdays together.  One cake.  And we would talk... most of the time on her porch.  She'd reflect briefly on the past but generally we'd chat about "What's Next??"

So today - on her day - I've been asking myself that same question:  WHAT's NEXT?

I've written a lot here about the need for a VISION, how to determine what yours is, and steps to take to attain it... but I've never really outlined the basics of mine for you.  I won't go into too much detail here because that would literally take writing out the tons of pages in my Prayer Journal but I hope you know that I am absolutely serious when I say WRITE IT DOWN!  I write in depth, down to the smallest detail every aspect of my hope... but here is how I began.  These pieces led me to fill in more and more along the way.

Angela 101 Vision Basics

1. I want to have a positive impact on every single person in my life that I meet.  I want each one to be better off for having known me, if only for a brief time (allow me to be to others what Gram was/is to me).
2. I seek to love fully and completely, with courage and faith, ever believing in love's pure power to transform and heal.
3. I ask that I am approved by God; a joyfully married partner for life;  a wise parent; a best friend; a thoughtful, fun and giving lover; a generous teacher; a debt-free steward; a patient daughter/sister; and an inspiring leader.
4. I believe I will have a safe, warm and useful home (see architecture layout, landscaping, et.al.) on XX acres of land that will be fenced in for my animals (see stables, garage, et.al.) and have awe-inspiring views that reminds me every day of God's artistic majesty and blessings (see hills, river, seasons).  This home will be close to family and friends ensuring they are part of my every day life.
5. I pray I accomplish that which I was created to do for God first - and I pray I live each day striving to do just that.  Give me the desire and vision to see what I should do and the will to make what is in my power to do happen.  Teach me to influence others as you would want to achieve Your greater good in whatever role I am in.  Show me how you see each person so I may understand first and speak/act thereafter accordingly.  Allow me to serve and bless me with the opportunity to GIVE.
6. Grant me grace for today and bless me with ongoing health for the remainder of my life.
7. Bless me with a partner for life who loves me as much as You do, Lord and who recognizes my worth and our strength together as a team who each loves according to 1 Cor 13 every day, teaching and challenging one another to be better.  Wholly loyal and unwilling to accept anything less than each other, living courageously for God and each other first.
8. Keep me humble, trustworthy, and teachable Lord but grant me the strength, courage, and internal knowing/wisdom to teach and to lead with my work, my hobbies, etc. 
9. Speak skill in/over me in all that I do so that I do it well:
1. Athletic
2. Musical - able to play the guitar well, appreciate all music
3. Intelligent with a keen understanding of scripture, history, philosophy, and literature (although I could use some help with math as well)
4. Communicator - able to speak clearly, listen intently, write eloquently
5. Leader - with David's heart, Solomon's wisdom, and Peter's faith
10. Create in me a desire to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually HEALTHY and strong always; opening me up to lessons ensuring I AM.

I then also created my own Bucket List of Things I wanted TO DO as well, but that is a separate list.  Nonetheless, these 10 things have been the basics for my hope and vision for my life since I was a teen.  I work at them every day and have since filled in much more detail on the WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHY - leaving the HOW up to God to direct.

What's your Vision?  

For today, my prayer is simple.  

I hope to be a woman like my Gram... and I hope she knows how unbelievably loved she still is.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Planets Aligning?

Yesterday turned out to be a really good day.  My day started by hearing the voice of the person I love, which is a great way to begin!  As the day progressed, we got to chat and just spend some time together.  It was nice.  Later in the day, I got to spend time with some friends and learned - compliments of Google Sky Map - that the planets were aligning with the big FULL Moon.  It felt like the planets were aligning!  Have you ever felt that??  Things just seemed to be moving in the right direction...

As I thought about my day, I was surprised at how genuinely HAPPY I was almost all day.  There'd been some setbacks lately, things that really got me down; but I actually laughed out loud at different times reminding me that Life could be good despite the fact that my dreams weren't yet reality.

It was the first day in a long while where I felt LITE.

When you've been through a tough time or when you finally figure out what your dream IS, it can be incredibly difficult to invoke patience.  As you're moving through the emotional onslaught of positives you tell yourself to combat the negative, it can at times feel like a Tar Pit where the more you struggle against it, the more stuck you get!  I think I've felt more stuck than not by my current circumstances, which has left me feeling frustrated and at times, sad.  So how WONDERFUL was it, do you think to actually FEEL light?

Pretty great.

The thing is that the planets only align infrequently at best, cyclically, but not that often... If you're not paying attention to those glimpses, you can easily miss your opportunity to be aware of them nor appreciate the experience.  The same is true I think for life.  I believe God creates opportunity spaces for each of us to MOVE us into the direction of our future, our vision... but we have to be AWARE.  We have to be paying attention, constantly looking for our chances to step forward, otherwise, the opportunity may come and go without us ever noticing how ONE choice could change our experience, change our future.

Doesn't mean that the planets won't still align, but rather that those who are on the look-out will likely make informed choices verses those who are blissfully unaware.  I think basically it means that the former will take less time... and for those of us with little patience, the less time, the better!

My goal is to pay attention to ALL those opportunity spaces to make sure I am making the most of each chance I get to move forward toward my dreams.  That also means, choosing not to be afraid and taking the time to stop and look at the Moon ;)

I want to be aware when my planets align... taking advantage of the opportunities and moving forward toward my dreams.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

The Art of Waiting

I seem to struggle with the concept of "not right now."  I'm an individual genetically programmed for action.  No matter how hard I try to be in the moment - in my current circumstance -  my dreams for my perfect world are ever present creating sometimes an overwhelming dissatisfaction with NOW... and unfortunately the sadness that the longing brings makes being "present" very difficult at times.

My logical brain informs me regularly that "I" am not solely in charge of my future nor of my circumstances... that in fact there ARE others involved.  And unfortunately for me those other characters in my life's story are not presently willing or able to act on our mutually agreed upon dream(s).  The result:  I am forced to WAIT.

I used to feel that there really wasn't anything to hurry about, that I/we had a lifetime so no rush.  No need to unnecessarily upset the current apple cart but rather that things would unfold over time.

However, as I get older, watching days become weeks, weeks become months, and months become years, I find I no longer feel that way.  I essentially believe that your dreams will only come true if you take the steps to ACT on creating the future you want.

So what do you do to discipline your mind against the longing, against the impatience to allow yourself to be in your present happily without losing focus on your dream or purpose?

I think you have to follow the basic principles that comprise what I call the Art of Waiting:

Step 1 - Pray (Meditate).  If you haven't already written down your Vision - what you WANT - then you need to start there and do that.
Step 2 - Trust that God knows your heart's desire.  Remind yourself of this whenever the sadness creeps in knowing that you are LOVED.
Step 3 - Never Give Up!  Have faith and act on that faith by doing all you can to prepare your life for the changes that your dream coming true will bring.
Step 4 - Speak the Truth.  Take the risk of saying out loud what you want, what you are praying for... what your heart's desire actually IS.

This last step is perhaps one of the most important... because I believe God acts on our behalf when we ASK and He is ensured of the credit when what we ask for is granted or given to us.  He doesn't want us chalking our changes or dreams coming true to randomness or circumstances, our own brilliance or even luck or time.  He wants the credit and praise for an Answered Prayer.  Our silence minimizes His Actions on our behalf and therefore His Glory.

I think the simple truth is that we all have lessons to learn along our journey to our Dream or our Vision.  For some of us, it's about TRUST... others, it's about recognizing our own WORTHINESS - that we deserve our path and our happiness, even if we think it may not be what others may want or want for us.  Still for others it's about fighting our fears and making decisions based on what we KNOW to be True.  And the list of reasons goes on and on and on.

Joy comes when AT LAST your dream, your desire is fulfilled for sure.  But in the meantime, do what you can by honoring the journey of those you love particularly if you are waiting for a mutual dream to come true.  That doesn't mean sit idly by but it does mean there is something essentially active about learning to WAIT without fear or judgment.  Make sure you are doing your part -- all you can -- from speaking your truth to actively changing your circumstances where you can... and then encourage those you love to do the same.

Perhaps once you and I perfect the art of waiting, that lesson will be one of the last pieces needed on our journey toward our dreams coming true!  I sure hope so...  ;)

Food for thought, right?

THINK.    WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

I'd love to hear about your journey!  Please share your stories of waiting and/or subsequent fulfillment.  I'd like to know how you made it through or if you're still waiting too?!

Where do I/we go from here?

I find myself wondering this more than I care to admit.  It's the nagging tickler in my mind's eye that reminds me, nudges me, and provokes me to THINK and wonder.

"What...IF?"

Every life truly does have a story.  A purpose.  Is it any wonder then that our souls are driven to seek out that purpose and plan?  To fulfill the VISION even when aspects of it remain hidden to us... I've found that there is an intricate pattern woven by choice and tempered by challenges that seems, in hindsight, to be designed to keep us between the lines of our real destiny's path.  The fluidity of our lives slows or quickens proportionally with our willingness to recognize and learn, making decisions that move us forward toward that destiny.

Most days my vision for my life feels more like a demand requiring my attention and devotion, propelling me forward even when I try with all my might to slow it down.

My FEELINGS seem to have a mind of their own.  Hmmmm....sort of like this run-away train at times.  The power of the emotions blurring everything else.  Lately I feel as if I'm in one of two states:  either standing perfectly still with life whirling past me -- OR -- I'm moving at the speed of light while everything else moves at a glacial pace.  In both cases, it makes it incredibly difficult to LIVE IN THE MOMENT!

Can you live in the moment and yet focus on your vision or dream?  Aren't those two things inherently in opposition?

Yes and No.  How's that for clarity?

I believe that's the fun of life.  We are each 'called' to LIVE... and living is complicated no matter how simple we try to make it.  The key we are told is to have balance - allowing ourselves to stand still if we need to while still pushing ourselves to move forward and make changes that are uncomfortable to get us closer to our destiny... that nagging vision.

For anyone who has been through a tough time, you inevitably reach a point though when you ask yourself: "Where do I/we go from here?" because your personal balancing act resulted in a lot of broken plates that crashed when you could no longer spin all of them.

How do I reach my goal? my vision? my destiny?

This is how the "What IF" questions start because we are all SEEKING; trying to unravel the hidden road in front of us so that we can KNOW what steps to take.  Problem is that we often don't "know" and we must instead rely on faith and simply choose to take that first step, and then the next, and the next... even when it would be so much easier to back-track or stay put.

The thing is that even if you're in a season of stillness - you can't stay there.  Eventually we all have to move forward.  Life simply won't allow us to not move.  So the answer to the question really is: FORWARD.

Just remember, it's up to you whether or not you take baby steps or a giant leap.  Either way, it's your path and it's your destiny.  Choose for you because that's precisely what we are each called to do... and then trust that God will take care of the rest of the details.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

AAAAGGGGHHHHH

This week has been particularly challenging.  Seems like things really do come in three's - ever notice that? First one thing happens, maybe a sleepless night; then flight changes, family circumstances, some physical restrictions... and the next thing you know, you're finally working out with your trainer and you reach the top of a rather large set of stairs in the middle of the woods and just shout:

AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

exhale

I felt like a volcano.

Seems like life has been swirling around me and I'm not really participating... just listening or rather trying to decipher the words coming at me from all angles.  Everything and everyone sounds like the Snoopy teacher:  Waaa Waaa Waaaaa Waa Waaaaaa Wa Waaaa.

Huh?

And as I stand in the middle of my figurative tornado of thoughts, words, emotions, projects, people, planes, and baggage, the ONLY thing I wanted to do was GET AWAY.  I can feel that I'm getting desperately raw which is making me seriously angry.  Thus the shout.  I wish it had been a scream, but seems I'm not terribly good at screaming.  I growl.

Lots of people say "I need a vacation."  And I'm sure they do... but I'm SERIOUS.  (Yes, I'm laughing at myself as I write that... as if others are somehow NOT serious).

So I'm trying to get back to a little levity and simplicity here.  1) Breathe  2) Plan a Get-Away  3) Figure out what needs to be done so I CAN get-away...  ;)  then 4) Breathe more.

My vision for now is exactly that.  A vacation.  NO cell phone.  NO iPad.  No laptop.  Literally.  No To-Do list.  I don't even want an adventure.  I want Q U I E T.

I'm sure all you parents know and long for moments of "quiet."  I would like to request several of those moments to occur consecutively, please?  Nothing fancy.  Nothing even that expensive.  Just "quiet" so I may actually be able to hear my own thoughts rather than the thoughts of everyone else.  I feel somewhat like Bruce Almighty where he begins to hear all the prayers of the people of Buffalo while at dinner.  Doesn't mean I am God or even think I'm THAT important but the increasingly LOUD vocal clutter in my head is deafening.

Funny how that happens.  The shouting TO DO list in your mind takes over drowning out all other thoughts... now while I grant you that the shouting TO DO is much better than any negative mental gymnastics, it can have a similar effect:  feeling small and powerless, overwhelmed.

Hmmm.  Time for a Re-set.

Okay, I know what's needed.  Understand what my solution must be... now to begin taking the moment by moment, day by day steps to get me to where I want to be / go!  Time to write down my vision!  Beginning with where do I want to go?  Followed by a tighter definition of when (saying as soon as possible really isn't very clear)... and then what do I want to do?  (that will determine what I wear and bring).

The same rules that apply to planning a vacation, apply to life's purpose or vision.  Begin with what you know rather than what you don't and the basics of where you want to go.  The rest of the Q&A will follow from there.  Once you figure that part out, then you get the rest of life and work organized to support that vision (in my immediate case, my vacation).  Take action steps to make what you want happen.

And lastly, refuse to give up.  If there's a WILL, then the cliche is true - there IS a WAY!  There's always a way for whatever you want or dream about.  Believe it!

You simply have to decide for yourself and then take the (baby) steps -- or you can be a sprinter, hurtler, like me - and move forward toward your vision.  It's worth it!

THINK.    WRITE.    BELIEVE.    ACT.

Timing, Part 3: There is only NOW

We all think about both our past and our future.  Most of us are not content with some aspect of our lives that makes us long for the past or dream about a better tomorrow.  It's human nature.  It's also in our nature to be looking for love, satisfaction, and some semblance of understanding about who we are and why we are here...

I've found that if we are struggling with the latter two things, nearly everything about life can feel uncertain.

For whatever reason I've been graced with a measure of certainty throughout my life.  I've generally known who I am and for the most part why I'm here and what I'm meant to do.  Doesn't mean I've always done it nor have I routinely made good choices, but when I do make those choices I do it with certainty.

I've thought about this more and more lately... as I've questioned life's "Timing" and it's randomness.  I've wondered how anyone - including me - could be certain about anything?  Isn't life all about the grey?  So in my usual mind-numbing fashion I started to deconstruct my own sense of "certainty" to see what exactly I'm so sure about.

What I realized is that I inherently do recognize that there is only NOW.

Today - this moment - is what you and I have... and I believe that life is about making the MOST of those moments.  There's a great scene/line in the movie, "When Harry Met Sally" at the end when Harry finally realizes that he's loved Sally all along.  He is walking and begins remembering so we see a sequence of 'memories' with Sally.  As he's remembering, he begins walking faster until he's finally RUNNING to find her.  His legs can't get him to her fast enough.  He arrives out of breath, their eyes meet, and after exchanging a few other words, it comes to this:

   Harry Burns:     I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you. 
   Sally Albright:  What? 
   Harry Burns:     I love you. 
   Sally Albright:  How do you expect me to respond to this? 
   Harry Burns:    How about, you love me too. 
   Sally Albright:  How about, I'm leaving. 

Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. 


Bingo.


The reason I suggest "Writing Your Vision" is to help us all get to our own realization about our lives.  All the cliches apply... and they apply for a reason because there are nuggets of truth in them all.


Life is short.  We only have NOW.  


So are you living the life that you want and need?  Do you have the job, the spouse, the home or family that you KNOW you are meant to have?


If the answer is "No" - forget the reasons why not and start making the decisions to make your dreams a reality.  You are the only one standing in your way.  Timing is more of an excuse than an actual factor... because there's never going to be a good time for real change.


The thing that I've learned is that when you make your decisions based on what you KNOW to be true and you resist the fear and resist the worry about the circumstances, you stop living a lie.  It grants you the grace of certainty.  The verse (John 8:32) says "The Truth Will Make You Free" and that is absolutely right.  Never be afraid of the Truth.  God will take care of the details when you operate in Truth, making decisions beginning with the real Truth.  You just have to step into the water...then watch your own Red Sea of Challenge part.

The truth about timing is that There Is Only Now... so what are you waiting for?

The Truth will Make you FREE, always in all ways.
Trust in your dream.
Choose to live your vision...

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.

Timing, Part 2: The Impact of Choice on Timing

If God's timing is perfect, how is it that timing in our lives can be "off?"  

Short answer:  1) Because we muck it up; 2) Because others muck it up; 3) Miscellaneous crap.  :)

Very simply though - we all make choices.

We make choices every moment of every day.  And we are at the will of other's choices every moment of every day.  In the middle of this, we all spend our time trying to influence the choice of others to align with our own.  Stress and conflict, etc. come in when there is a difference of opinion about the present moment or a pending moment.  To make our points, we draw from the past because we can't predict our future.  Makes sense, right?  Almost.

I think the key distinction to remember is that the past does not dictate nor truly influence the future...unless we choose to let it.  It is simply lessons learned.  It cannot be changed.  It must however be used to improve us all.

The goal of life is to learn, to grow, to become all that we are meant to become.  We pray we do not make the journey alone and preferably make it with the love of our lives.  We strive to complete our mission on this earth as well - doing that we we are each meant to "do."  

Okay, so how to achieve that goal?

The Past
I will say that if we do not learn from our past, we are doomed to repeat it because I do believe God has a sense of humor and history.  He is most interested in us 'becoming" so if we don't get it right the first time, He's going to keep bringing back the same thing over and over again until we learn and do what He wants.  My philosophy now is to try to figure out what exactly this is so I stop making the same mistakes and can move forward because at this point in my life I have learned that I may as well get on board because one way or another He's gonna win.  So the sooner I make the choices He wants, the better my life gets.  The longer I delay, the more stressful my life can become and the louder that internal nagging becomes.

Personally, I'm glad I'm not the person I was years ago or yesterday.  Years ago I was someone who was much more selfish.  I made several decisions out of fear and misplaced priorities.  I thought work was the primary dictator.  If my boss said I had to do something - even if it hurt my personal life or family - I did it. I thought I HAD to because I couldn't lose my job?  I mean, God forbid.  I tried to do everything perfectly - thinking that was even possible - because I didn't want to be criticized or rejected.

What I didn't understand was that I WAS MAKING CHOICES.  No one was holding a gun to my head telling me to work nights and weekends.  I thought someone was metaphorically.  But instead of realizing I could set boundaries, say "no" and if all else failed, I COULD get another job, I sacrificed myself and what I loved to try to be what I thought I was supposed to be and do what I was supposed to do.

I thought I "HAD TO..."

Fear drove those decisions.  Not faith.  Not love.  Not even service or an attempt at a greater good/mission.

I took love for granted... thinking I had "time."  My mantra began with "Why can't we/you wait?  I need more time... or You've just gotta give me a little more time..." and "As soon as..." 

I figured I couldn't control work so my personal life had to WAIT.  I didn't have TIME.

Sound familiar?

I think we all forget that we all actually are on a 'dead'line.  We are here for a limited time that only God knows for how long exactly.  So we are lulled into believing "we have time."  This often prevents us from making the choices we know we need to make.

The lesson?  You cannot remake the past.  You can only move forward and live better in the present.  Let your past go but learn from it.  Don't let it prevent you from moving forward.

The Present
How do you live in the present?  You begin by recognizing that YOU are the one making choices now.  It's not about your past choices nor the past choices of someone else, anyone else.  It's about YOU.

You decide.

How do you decide?
1.  Choose based on love.  2.  Choose based on what you believe you are meant to do... not necessarily by what's practical.  3.  Choose.

How is timing impacted by choice?  
If you don't choose, that is a choice.  If you choose out of fear (fear of losing what you have; fear of ANY kind) then you will likely miss the blessing you are meant to have.

Once you decide based on love and your mission/vision, the rest will fall into place.  Align yourself and you'll find the timing becomes perfect.  AND you'll have what you need to move forward.

The Choices of Others
If you are doing all you know to do - you are fighting for your love, you are trying to live your best life every day, and still your dreams are out of reach because you are waiting on ______________ (fill in your own blank), then is it really a question of "timing?"

I don't think so.

We all have free will.  We each are called to choose.  If the person you love - you truly love - is unsure for whatever reason then it's up to you to fight for them, whether that means: waiting, being present, or talking through it with them, then that is what you do.  Don't allow your pride or ego to prevent you from believing and humbly loving.

If that person chooses someone else, then know you will be given the strength to survive it... and you will be rewarded with a greater love.  You will move on.  

If that person knows that s/he is meant to be with you and s/he chooses differently out of fear or some sense of practicality or any other number of excuses - other than love - then at some point they will realize their mistake and will almost assuredly regret their decision.  They will never truly move on because that choice will forever be in their mind as a reminder and a lesson for their own growth.  They may someday teach their child what it means to make a decision based on love because they didn't have the strength to do it themselves.  You may never know but you can trust that with choice comes consequence.

If that person does choose someone else because they love them more, then you were never meant to be together.  There was some other reason for your time together.  Again, you will be given the strength to move on.

The only thing you can do is be true to yourself, do everything you can do, and then TRUST.  Always trust.  Regardless of circumstances, trust.  Believe.  Know that you have done your part.  Know.

The choices of others is also NOT about timing.  It's simply about choice.

The same rules apply with a job or any other type of decision.  IF you are doing all you can and being the best person you can be and things continue to not go in a way that want or need, take heart in the little victories and look beyond your circumstances to see WHY you are there.  It may not be for the reasons you think.  So again, decide.  Choose whether to stay or go elsewhere.

All you can do is what YOU can do.  You cannot control the actions of others.   The actions of others is not a matter of timing.

So is there an impact of choice on timing?  Yes and No.  Your ability to move forward is determined by the choices you make.  Therefore your timing is based on your choices - not on the actions of others.  Choose for YOU.

THINK.     WRITE.     BELIEVE.     ACT.